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Disowned By Your Family?
 
# 1 : Tuesday 7-8-2012 @ 21:05
 
Jupiterkid
Administrator
20573 POSTS SINCE 2004
    
39 YO GAY MALE FROM DUBLIN
 
There was an article in Pink News about a young man in the USA who was disowned by his religious right wing father simply for being gay. It was upsetting to read such a hatred filled letter and showed that if love is conditional then it is not really love at all.

Here is the wording of the letter:

“James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past.

Don’t expect any further conversations with me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house.

You’ve made your choice though wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle.

If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand.

Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted.

Goodbye, Dad.”


Article here:
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2012/08/07/gay-man-publishes-fathers-le etc ...

So, my question is. Has anyone here being disowned by parents and/or family just based on their sexual orientation? And if so, how did you deal with it?




Edited By JupiterKid, 07 August 2012, 22:06

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# 2 : Tuesday 7-8-2012 @ 21:20
 
Buddha
Godlike!
8471 POSTS SINCE 2010
 
41 YO GAY MALE FROM CORK
 
Yes, I getting on with life!

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# 3 : Tuesday 7-8-2012 @ 21:27
 
Herodotus
Hikikomori
12141 POSTS SINCE 2007
    
34 YO GAY MALE FROM WEXFORD
 
Nope they didn't mind but before then my father would often criticise me in public places for being "unmanly" which I found embarrassing. I hadn't intended telling Dad but he overheard me on my mobile in 2002. My mother's initial reaction is that she was okay with it but it could be 'a phase' - a view she appeared to change after meeting our former mutual gay friend Colm while she spent a while in a mental hospital during her former depression 11 yrs ago. However the first man I was ever with told me 12 yrs ago (when he was 22) that when he was 12 he came out to his mother and she went ballistic and threw him out of the house but they since made up.

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# 4 : Tuesday 7-8-2012 @ 21:27
 
pennylane
Belisama
24572 POSTS SINCE 2005
    
32 YO STRAIGHT FEMALE FROM DUBLIN
 
What a cunt, people like that don't deserve children.

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# 5 : Tuesday 7-8-2012 @ 21:54
 
greenmanpp
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3726 POSTS SINCE 2011
    
29 YO GAY MALE FROM MAYO
 
I was going to say "thank God my family aren't like that" then I laughed at the irony.

The dad is probably just as much a victim of his upbringing as his son. It's a pity he's such a narrow minded, stubborn and misguided man.

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# 6 : Tuesday 7-8-2012 @ 22:01
 
Herodotus
Hikikomori
12141 POSTS SINCE 2007
    
34 YO GAY MALE FROM WEXFORD
 
It has to be seen in the context of America's very deep historical, cultural Puritan roots.

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# 7 : Tuesday 7-8-2012 @ 22:02
 
Jupiterkid
Administrator
20573 POSTS SINCE 2004
    
39 YO GAY MALE FROM DUBLIN
 
It disgusts me how someone would disown a family member because they were gay - but then I have to remind myself that there is a whole generation of older gay men and women who either could never come out to their parents or did so and were rejected and disowned simply because of their sexuality.

An aunt of mine disowned me when she found out via my sister that I was gay. Her loss.

Edited By JupiterKid, 07 August 2012, 22:04

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# 8 : Thursday 9-8-2012 @ 14:11
 
Thomas
Administrator
32880 POSTS SINCE 2002
   
39 YO GAY MALE FROM GALWAY
 
Saw this lovely hypothetical letter to an unborn child :

I ran across this letter on Reddit this morning (referring to the letter above). It is from a father disowning his gay son. It broke my heart. It's not the first time that I've seen something like this. Living in Utah, it's a pretty common story. I had friends experience it first hand in high school. This morning was the first time I've run across it since becoming a dad. My son is living in his mom's belly, so obviously we don't know his sexual orientation. Still, the letter I read this morning made me wonder what my letter would say if the news that my son was gay ended up being a surprise. So here it is:

Dear Hypothetically Gay Son,

You're gay. Obviously you already know that, because you told us at the dinner table last night. I apologize for the awkward silence afterwards, but I was chewing. It was like when we're at a restaurant and the waiter comes up mid-bite and asks how the meal is, only in this metaphor you are the waiter and instead of asking me about my meal you said you were gay. I don't know why I needed to explain that. I think I needed to find a funny way to repeat the fact that you're gay… because that is what it sounds like in my head right now. "My son is gay. My son is gay. My son is gay."

Let me be perfectly clear. I love you. I will always love you. Since being gay is part of who you are, I love that you're gay. I'm just trying to wrap my head around the idea. If you sensed any sadness in my silence last night, it was because I was surprised that I was surprised. Ideally, I would have already known. Since you were an embryo, my intent has always been to really know you for who you are and not who I expect you to be. And yet, I was taken by surprise at last night's dinner. Have I said "surprise" enough in this paragraph? One more time... surprise!

OK. Let's get a few things straight about how things are going to be.
Our home is a place of safety and love. The world has dealt you a difficult card. While LGBT people are becoming more accepted, it is still a difficult path to walk. You're going to experience hate and anger and misunderstandings about who you are out in the world. That will not happen here. You need to know with every fiber of who you are that when you walk in the front door of your home you are safe and you are loved. Your mother is in complete agreement with me on this.

I am still, as always, your biggest defender. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're any less capable of taking care of/defending yourself. That said, if you need me to stand next to you, in front of you, write letters, sign petitions, advocate, or anything else, I am here. I will go to war for you.

If you're going to have boys over, you now need to leave your bedroom door open. Sorry kiddo. Thems are the breaks. I couldn't have girls in my room with the door shut, you don't get to have boys.

You and I are going to revisit that talk we had about safe sex. I know it's going to be awkward for both of us, but it is important. I need to do some research first, so let's give it a few weeks. If you have questions or concerns before then, let me know.
That's enough for now. Feel free to view this letter as a contract. If I ever fail to meet any of the commitments made herein, pull it out and hold me to account. I'll end with this: You are not broken. You are whole, and beautiful. You are capable and compassionate. You and your sister are the best things I have ever done with my life, and I couldn't be more proud of the people you've become.

Love,

Dad


http://www.askyourdadblog.com/2012/08/hypothetical-gay-son.html

Edited By Thomas, 09 August 2012, 14:12

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# 9 : Thursday 9-8-2012 @ 15:51
 
Buddha
Godlike!
8471 POSTS SINCE 2010
 
41 YO GAY MALE FROM CORK
 
I wont play the violin for too long, but I am dis-owned and no contact with family!

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# 10 : Thursday 9-8-2012 @ 16:01
 
Jupiterkid
Administrator
20573 POSTS SINCE 2004
    
39 YO GAY MALE FROM DUBLIN
 
NannyMcPhee said :
I wont play the violin for too long, but I am dis-owned and no contact with family!


Sorry to hear that. Because you are gay or because of some other issue? You have no contact with any members of your family at all?

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# 11 : Thursday 9-8-2012 @ 18:15
 
Buddha
Godlike!
8471 POSTS SINCE 2010
 
41 YO GAY MALE FROM CORK
 
Jupiterkid said :


Sorry to hear that. Because you are gay or because of some other issue? You have no contact with any members of your family at all?


None what so-ever, gay and they wouldnt call to see me in hospital a few weeks back!

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# 12 : Thursday 9-8-2012 @ 18:16
 
streetfighter
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8164 POSTS SINCE 2010
    
32 YO BI MALE FROM DUBLIN
 
NannyMcPhee said :


None what so-ever, gay and they wouldnt call to see me in hospital a few weeks back!
pricks.

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# 13 : Thursday 9-8-2012 @ 18:18
 
Jupiterkid
Administrator
20573 POSTS SINCE 2004
    
39 YO GAY MALE FROM DUBLIN
 
NannyMcPhee said :


None what so-ever, gay and they wouldnt call to see me in hospital a few weeks back!


That's despicable on their part Nanny McPhee. Perhaps you're better off without them? Are they religious fundamentalist bigots or something?



Edited By JupiterKid, 09 August 2012, 18:19

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# 14 : Thursday 9-8-2012 @ 19:22
 
Buddha
Godlike!
8471 POSTS SINCE 2010
 
41 YO GAY MALE FROM CORK
 
Jupiterkid said :


That's despicable on their part Nanny McPhee. Perhaps you're better off without them? Are they religious fundamentalist bigots or something?




Funny you should ask, the sisters go to mass and pray. The Devil himself wouldnt trust them, or do business with them. Yet they both go around like holy mary's, one sister got married a few months earlier and didn't invite me. One of the brothers put me in hospital, due to a vicious unprovoked assault on me. They all defended him, I have done loads for them and I don't get it?

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# 15 : Thursday 9-8-2012 @ 22:11
 
Butters
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35542 POSTS SINCE 2003
 
101 YO GAY MALE FROM DUBLIN
 
They sound like a thoroughly unpleasant bunch of self centred hoors,you are better off without people of that low standard.

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