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Any Advice On Being Dumped By The One U Love...
# 1 : Wednesday 6-11-2002 @ 22:51
hi all, can anyone give me some advice on how i should give myself a kick in the backside and get on with life after my soulmate, best friend and lover left me for her career, after 3 and a half years and never spending a night appart from the moment we met. I feel so alone and want to ring her all the time, how should or can i move on when i am so in love with this woman...help...
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# 2 : Wednesday 6-11-2002 @ 23:14
some days i'm fine and a little part of me hates her and other days i want us to ge back together again and i really have to stop myself from ringing her and begging her to give up her career for me...
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# 3 : Wednesday 6-11-2002 @ 23:29
yeah, she is from england, she went home to advance her career, to her its not just a job & i dont blame her its what she always wanted to do, its very complicated but she doesnt want me to follow her and base my life around her and her career & to put my own dreams on hold, she wants me to move on and find someone else who will want the same things as me
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# 4 : Thursday 7-11-2002 @ 10:20
your soulmate will wake up and find all that she has in life is a `career'. so many aspiring wannabes make the same mistake and spend the rest of their lives regretting that they put careers first.

My advice is to re-evaluate the relationship... for if someone can put a career over a soulmate, friend and lover - well then was she ever the person you thought you knew and loved?
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# 5 : Thursday 7-11-2002 @ 10:50
Apropos your re-evaluation of the relationship Oisin-when you are still very much in love the very effort of trying to convince yourself that s/he was not the right person for you anyway(as s/he was prepared to put their career before you), is a mental impossibility even if ethically it is correct.Your subconscious does not take this into account.For three years this person was part of her life and is now most likely part of her dreams.They did everything together, every waking moment they spent thinking about each other, sharing each others' lives.Suddenly she has gone-disappeared-life has changed from being full to being so terribly empty.Your subconscious will be convinced of nothing until IT is ready to let go.A practical way to resist the agony of self-deprecation and low sef-esteem is to get out and meet people immediately-even if your heart isn't in it.Force yourself Jayne to become interested in something you have always been passionate about and perhaps renounced to be with her all the time.Go running, play sport, join groups,read, write, see your friends again (no doubt some of them you let go of while you were in your relationship)and most of all, be honest with yourself, appreciate yourself for who you are-I promise you, there is somebody else out there waiting for you.Email me if you like: sidhbhra@hotmail.com, and we can talk all you like.A shoulder to cry on and so on.
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# 6 : Thursday 7-11-2002 @ 15:07
My advice is not to contact her again..... not every......let her go. No matter how you feel about her, she is not worth the effort. In your head the relationship was of more value & importance to you than to her. You had value of loyalty in your relationship, do not insult yourself by crawling back to her....... keep clear of her. If she wants you she knows where you live, your phone no etc, and she can contact you is she wishes.

The conduct of human nature cannot be regarded as an exact science, and even the most reliable of partners / friends somtimes make choices that cause great hurt to those that love and care about them very much. When anyone of us are in such situaltion of loss, we feel hurt and maybe feel broken - that is what you are feeling. it is not love, love is a 2 way thing.

We must learn not to surround ourselves with people who cannot at least compromise for us at tought times in a friendship. What they are really saying by not compromising for us when they know we are hurting is...... "I am not listening to you, your hurt does not have a value to me", i am doing my own thing".
I have learned this lesson many times in my live.

You have to learn that in you head YOU HAVE TO DUMP HER EMOTIONALLY........ she is of no value to you. You are being drained by this negitave energy. She has rent free accomodation in you head - get rid of her.
It is now time to get rid of her from every fiber of you being and move on. i know this is never easy, but you must do it.

Get out and enjoy yourself, and for God's sake, dont take her back, because even if a reconciliation were to happen, and a difficulty were to arrise in the future for you both, she WILL still take exactly the same route and leave you high and dry again and you will feel a victim again and you will feel even worse.
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# 7 : Thursday 7-11-2002 @ 15:16
Haven't got anything of worth to say Jayne but felt like logging on to offer support. There isn't much you can add to Sidhbhra's comment. Sounds like you should have a chat with her sometime.
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# 8 : Thursday 7-11-2002 @ 22:44
thanks for all the advice everyone. i think everything you said Sidhbhra was so true. one day you are in a great (or so you think) relationship and the next you are on your own, its so difficult to come to terms with that and even though you know the best thing to do is move on but there is something inside you head that will not let you. Everything you do reminds you of that person, every thought is of her and what could have been, your future together never to be and thats the hardest of all, all the plans we had for the future will never be completed, this hurts most of all, you can never see yourself loving someone else or making plans for the future with someone else but its like everything time will cure that. but a part of me doesnt want to fall out of love with her or forget her..i cant imagine that right now..
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# 9 : Thursday 7-11-2002 @ 23:38
Jayne, believe me in time you will begin to see the wood from the trees on this matter. Treat your self well - be knd to yourself. Acknowledge the hurt within yourself, you can do this by letting go, and letting go is somthis you will have to do to move on......You will then come through with a better understanding of human nature....... and yourself. take care
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# 10 : Friday 8-11-2002 @ 01:53
Jane- just wanted to drop a word of support- I concur with what Bobtar and Sibhbhra said but also understand what you're going through- my lover/best friend returned to the the uk in Sept after a two year relationship and i am completely brokenhearted.i know that intellectually it appears possible to come though it but thats not always the case emotionally.
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# 11 : Friday 8-11-2002 @ 12:44
as each day passes you will think about her just a little less.But basically, it will take a long time.Unfortunately, she is part of you-let her stay there(complete remval is impossible) but know your priorities.You deserve a full and beautiful life-suffering and angst doesn't have to be part of it.
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# 12 : Friday 8-11-2002 @ 14:22
Sidhbhra said.....she is part of you-let her stay there(complete remval is impossible) - I believe this is not true
I would have thought this myself in the past, when I did not fully understand the emotionas that were brought to the surface. Somtimes these things bring up more agnst, caused by other life experiences.

Try to learn that the experience is part of you - not the person - sepoerate the two and do not be confused.

If you think she is part of you, you are mistaken. This is a negetive thought. Do not fill yourself with negetivity.
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# 13 : Friday 8-11-2002 @ 14:58
love is never negative Bobtar.
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# 14 : Sunday 10-11-2002 @ 12:15
Try telling that to Jayne's X, Sidhbhra.
- not me.

Jaune needs to move on, and rid herself of the negetive energy that has enveloped her as a result of the finishing of her relationship.

From Jayne's perspective, her X has been negetive about the relationship. If their love was a positive love, the X would not have done a runner. or Jayne to go back and try to make att the effort would mean that she is going back into all that negetive stuff...... Do you really think she needs that shit ?
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# 15 : Sunday 10-11-2002 @ 23:27
I think Jayne will appreciate your diplomatic advice Bob, and just for the record,(don't say I didn't lend you a hand when you most needed it), the correct spelling is;
n-e-g-A-t-i-v-e.Advice seems all the more plausible from a good speller.Good luck with the article!
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