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A Ride In A Rural Commuter Town Or Sex In The City?
# 1 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 19:01
I have to get something off my chest...
I’m irritated.
State of the modern world (blah, blah, blah...).
Somebody tell me where is the value in social relations? How do we find who matters? How do we express this to who matters. What the current criteria for what’s hot and what’s not? What trend should they follow? What trend should they follow? When did it (life, living, social interaction) all become media defined, saturated and technologically mediated???
Some people in my life don’t have faces; they have avatars, and cryptic usernames, random pseudonyms. Not that I’d want them all in my face every day of the week but come on!!! When did it get so obviously fabricated (socializing)? When did it get so cold? 1984???
although this sounds like an adolescent rant it’s not. And that sad. It’s actually the sound of a disaffected adult. A grown woman.
You can’t get it. When you do you’re either used or the user.
Now maybe I’m single too long but when did it get so difficult? So tick the box?
I would like sex but I’d rather have it with an overpriced falsely advertised mechanical device then settle for selling myself short, negotiate awkward silences, “masquerade” balls and being used.
Come on the binary codes??? Why is everything still a neatly packaged category? Even in the minds of the so called self labelled open minded? HOW is it still difficult to just be? Does anyone know how you go about bravely, assertively (not aggressively) and unwaveringly being yourself? Getting what you want? And in the process not hurting anyone?
Could Houdini do that?
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# 2 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 19:03
Saw your blog too.

Well said, Perplexed.
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# 3 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 19:06
I jut read this in your blog. You seem so fed up, or is it just a rant that means a hell of a lot right now, but will be over by tomorrow?
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# 4 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 19:26
You are so spot on about the used / user opinion, and it completely off putting for me! Battery operated lets face it, IS more satisfying and doesn't fill your head with BS just to get the leg over. Integrity is hard to find... Don't want to sound like I'm bashing Ireland but it is difficult here to be yourself unless you have a possy of family/ friends, part of a clique, but even then it's all about compartments. Don't have the answers for ya hun, but I get what you mean...
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# 5 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 20:13
I guess you have to wait for the right person to come around, when it's right it's right and when it's wrong it's just wrong. You could be waiting months or years for that person but it doesn't mean you stop getting out there and living. You have to be living to form relationships and bonds and connections.

You can't wrap yourself or other people in cotton wool. Glass will get broken. An ordinary human being will do, without Houdini's talents

As for trends etc, who cares be yourself and offer love. I think regarding sexuality that people go through a lot sometimes to be themselves, i.e a gay man or woman so when people who aren't gay mix themselves up in their lives, they are toying with hopes and dreams as well as identity. Now I know everyone is different and how they identify themselves can be fluid, it just depends on the people. Certainly some elements won't mix in the chemistry of things.
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# 6 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 20:30
i'm not sure its about the "right" person. love is as fluid as sexuality. we volunteer ourselves to the rules society makes and unfortunately the are so discreetly intwined in our make up we don't question them. even those of us who like to think we think outside the box are victims and perpetrators. sexuality and relations and how society evolves and operates are all intertwined. there is no universal or one fixed way of being or doing or fitting into what ever is expected... we just like to judge, criticse and cvatagorize. and even those of us who try not to hurt and get hurt. it's a negotiating process of emotons and feelings. and internal and externalminefield. step on your own toes or someone elses. hard thats all.
yes i'm fed up ad no it won't be different tomorrow. i have the flu... howevr this is my general disposition!
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# 7 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 20:44
no no no. tell me when you were younger did you have a dream of the love or lover you would like to have?? what is stopping you from finding that person? I think you are intellectualising the whole process too much. It should come from the gut and the heart. Now I know all too well how society's conventions and rules can keep two people apart.
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# 8 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 20:55
its not about keeping people apart society serves that well. its about bringing them together. i think and yes. philip schofield and gerry may but i cn't have them or modern day representations of them. its not that simple either. people do not exist like we want them in our minds or dreams. reality i suppose is about compromise. love that lasts is about that too.
my point was just how difficult it is to negotiate the self and expectations both inner ad outer and to find some kind of peace and quality of life with someone else, gerry may or phillip schofield?
i guess my point was also about development, self and society and how when you get something there are more hurdles. it (life) is a process of acceptance. its not easy and the demands of soc and then individualistic tendencies encouraged in people just makes it tougher. i'm cyncial yes but hopeful too. a hopeful romantic. but fed up. thats all
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# 9 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 21:14
ha ha it would have been macgyver for me and then kylie as I got older but I always had a dream of someone and then I met them and it was as you say about compromise and I never comprosmised enough or maybe it just wasn't mean to be, or I didn't want to compromise. But it is very hard. and maybe you're right that nobody exists that we dream of.

Negotiating the self, now that's a good phrase. I see. I don't know. Try not to be fed up. Look for beauty. Return to innocence.
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# 10 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 21:15
phillip schofield and gerry may...what?
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# 11 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 21:33
moan moan moan, life is so terrible, no one loves me, it's everyone else's fault blah blah blah.

And this is why I could never volunteer on a suicide helpline

Life is what you make of it, and us here in our warm houses, with our well fed stomachs, our unforced marriages, our free-time, our disposable income, complaining about our inability to communicate with other on a one to one basis is a bit much really.
My mother had one friend, a mother also, that she could only see with the children all there, that was her free time for the best part of a decade. She had no choice in that. You however I'm sure have the choice to call over to your "friends" and have a cup of tea, but really it's so much effort... so what to do instead.. oh yes bitch about it.. that'll make it all better.

I'm off to have tea with a friend.
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# 12 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 22:03
hey there erytheis, or is that closed minded and judgemental to your mates....
love the story about your moms friend! and your ignorance. read much current affairs? a decade ago indeed?
people exsist not unlike how your description suggests today.
take a look and the central statistics office research or that of the ESRI! kids go hungry here too today.
as for my disposable income??? i am a single mother, live off of social welfare (and before you retort with some snide assumption i worked for many years and paid my taxes, and will do so again). i have no disposable income. i live in a small ural community which has little local transport and my daughter is currently in a cast from her shoulder to her fingertips due to breaking two bones in her wrist in school.
as for food and warmth durin the winter i compromise because i can't always afford the cost of the fuel it takes to heat the house day in day out...
poor me, no. i have a good life. i'm just sorry to see how cold and detached people have and continue to become, you being a prime example, displaying my case in point!
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# 13 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 22:06
life is not what you make it our experience is predefined and constrained by the social structures put in place by the powers that be. accepted norms and values. life is what you make of it? really the attitiude of a bigot! prior to 1993 and the legalization of homseuality or 1973 and the right for married women to work how much free will and life is what you make it kind of satisfaction did they have...
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# 14 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 22:24
I think Perplexed, everyone gets to thinking as you are at various stages of their lives, and yes stages, because you do not think it just one time or during one period of your life. It comes with having a brain and self awareness. Everyone has different ways of dealing with it, Ery's is one way. What you want changes as you grow, actually in myt case I would say I am only now starting to get a better idea of what I want. Its normal for it to change over time, as you change. Simple answer is, there is no answer to your questions only what you work out for yourself. All you can be is you, never what others want you to be. Think about what you want and where you want to be and keep reaching for it. Don't let yourself get stuck in a bad place. Ever though it does not seem like it there is always light at the end of the tunnel

The phrase I liked most in this thread was Morning light's 'Return to innocence'
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# 15 : Wednesday 23-9-2009 @ 22:26
I think you've hit the nail on the head with your view of me! Thank you I needed a good laugh

Anyway back to your last few "points" some of them don't quite make sense to me, if you are living on social welfare and up until recently your child was in school, what was stopping you from forming friendships during those morning hours, it's not societies fault that you aren't doing anything to improve your situation, it is your own, once you realise that and start taking steps to do something about it, then perhaps you will find that not all of us are, cold, cynical, people who are only out for what we can get.
Oh as for the fuel, if you are on social welfare, you can get a fuel allowance, if you were not aware of that, you should look into it. there is NO reason that anyone in Ireland should do without fuel.

life is not what you make it our experience is predefined and constrained by the social structures put in place by the powers that be. accepted norms and values. life is what you make of it? really the attitiude of a bigot! prior to 1993 and the legalization of homseuality or 1973 and the right for married women to work how much free will and life is what you make it kind of satisfaction did they have...

This went over my head, I'm not quite sure what your point is. So take a deep breath, back away from the keyboard for a few seconds and try again.
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