Interesting that the same thing you describe only happened to me two years ago (I'm 36). Not because I have been bouncing around the scene since forever in gay bliss. I always found the scene to be very incompatible with the way I look at the world so I almost never went out on the scene. I met two great guys and had two great relationships but neither were on the scene. I moved to the States and found people who were just like me and became part of a community of gay snowboarders and skiers.
I came back and thought..OK, well if I can have that there..why not here, and so I trawled the scene for 2 years in search of like minded people.
The thing that struck me is that Irish Queers seem to suffer from neo-colonialism twice over. As a nation we have an inferiority complex (I don't buy that celtic tiger crap..it'll take a jungle's worth to deal with our inferiority complex), and as queers we're only now really crawling into the light..10 years of decriminatisatiion is a short time culturally and so we find it very hard to form a real community..as distinct from a loose association based on sex and booze. Many people are suspicious, paranoid and bitchy..mostly from having been crushed by the roman catholic education machine. There are people who enjoy bitching and the like but I detest it.. I think its terribly destructive.
In the end I decided to do something which would foster community, and so I'm ploughing my energies into the Emerald Warriors Rugby Club. When people come together with a common goal and focus then community and fraternity is fostered. I figure that if we take out our frustrations on the pitch, we won't need to take lumps out of each other off the pitch. Besides... imagine the satisfaction of beating our first straight team mmmmmsweeet!!...I digress.
Boxfresh, I understand your predicament and can I gently suggest that it is better to light a candle than damn the darkness. There are other non-pub/club centred activities out there grab one or start one and good luck...
You wouldn't be handy with a ball by any chance?