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Can Exs Be Friends?
# 1 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 00:17
Truthfully now, does anyone out there believe it is possible to remain friends with your ex, when you are still in love with them??
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# 2 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 00:35
no. Definately not. Not when you're in love with them. You can't possibly be their friend and be a good friend without getting your feelings involved and getting jealous and feeling left out and so on. It's best to just keep your distance for a while till the feelings that you have for that person die down a bit. At least thats my method...
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# 3 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 01:14
Men cannot be friends with a womin (unless they are gay).Men only want sex and are not interested in your opinion on the colour of the new kettle you bought.The answer is...NO.
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# 4 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 07:19
I agree with Maddylicious, if you are still in love with your ex you are better off severing all ties until you are in a place where them telling you about their latest conquests does not bother you. Believe me, I've been there and if you really want a friendship with your ex in the future, take a few steps back now, come Christmas or before you'll be in a much better place.
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# 5 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 08:23
but seriously.......new kettle?
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# 6 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 08:29
Not sure who that is addressed to.
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# 7 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 08:29
The game is Follow the Queen. I don't know where to turn.
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# 8 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 09:06
i have to agree with everyone, you cant be friends with your ex, if you still have feelings for them, i wanted to stay friends with my ex (after they broke my heart) i got over them but after a while they realised they were still in love with me and i only wanted a friendship, our friendship didnt work out and i havnt spoken to them in over a year. it gets to messy and you only confuse yourself and them.
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# 9 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 10:21
I agree. id give anythin to be in contact with my ex - to behinest I only wish we'd never split - just some contact even to see if hes ok. But honestly I dont think id be able for it. So Im with the others - No u cant, unfortunately.
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# 10 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 10:32
It's amazing how you become wise with the years.When you're young those hot headed emotions "I couldn't bear to see them again" or even "I couldn't bear to see them with someone else" is quite natural.However, you are forgetting what attracted you to each other in the first place, which was definitely not sexuallly related.You were also friends.Speaking from experience, I have reamined very close friends with all my exes bar two (VERY short-term relationships based on drama).Those irrational feelings associated with love lost, fade if you keep up the dialogue no matter how much you have to pretend that it's not killing you, actually pays off.That relationship reflected on the type of person you are and would like to be.Complete severence shows that you are denying a part of yourself, damaging yuorself masochistically.In the long term, it is much worse to live with lingering memory and unfulfilled desires than it is to face reality and continue appreciating that individual for who they were and what you still see in them.Feelings change and mutate and strangely memories of desire fade with time. You become more accepting and your life and theirs, proceeds in harmony, with nothing left out and no false hopes to dwell on.
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# 11 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 10:39
I agree with some of what ur saying. but u dont know me or what happened - plus I dont think that nesessarily comes with being young - Im not "young" in the sense that i was with my partner for a longtime and we had made a commitment to each other. those hot headed emotions are not what im talking about. When ur not physically able for health reasons to talk to someone - then its something else entirely.
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# 12 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 11:54
if you were friends to begin with and it wasn't just sex and if you really want to stay friends, then no matter how much you still feel sexually attracted to the other person, you *can* still be friends. it's hard and it hurts, but, if you were friends, it's worth it.

and you always have to remember what oscar said: friendship is more tragic than love. it lasts longer.
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# 13 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 12:36
I agree with you completely Loop.I'm very close friends with someone who I was "involved" with many years ago.In fact we understand each other so much better having had an intimate relationship,and our friendship went from strength to strength afterwards.
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# 14 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 13:00
I am close friends with my longest ex. It took some time to get over it alright and we tended to hop into bed with each other spontaneously - not least because sex with an ex can be terrific. Then we just agreed to stop having casual sex with each other. Like Lady's experience, we are closer to each other than ever.

It is futile to say 'les's just be good friends'. that word 'just' is a killer. To move on, the friendship has to deepen or die.

It's also really important I think to have it out with the person you've split with. You need that for closure. If parts of you are angry or frustrated or regretful or whatever I think it is better to say that to him/her and get it over with - while still being clear about the fact that you have both moved on.

I completely agree that it is very difficult, though. Difficult but worth it.
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# 15 : Wednesday 10-9-2003 @ 13:49
With maturity also comes the realisation that immediately after a break up one needs to stand back and take stock of oneself. I split up with an ex in March and we decided to remain friends but she very quickly got into another relationship and I found that this hurt too much in the early stages so I severed all contact, explaining the reasons why to her. We gradually got back in contact and recently met and had a brilliant platonic night and know that we will remain friends for a long, long time. The difference with being in touch with people you were sexually involved with and not being in touch with them is based on how much you feel you actually WANT the individual in your life. No two relationships are the same. I am friends with all bar one of my exs, a term used losely in this regard, and my decision for that is that I realised that person was not someone I wished to associate with, a person who feels they have to substitute their real life with fantasy is very unbalanced indeed.
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