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Anyone Got Any Good Jokes
 
# 31 : Monday 16-9-2013 @ 13:49
 
 
5. I was chatting to a guy in my local gay club the other night. He told me he had an arsehole the size of a Polo, and asked me back to his place. Not wanting to miss the chance of a tight arsehole I accepted his offer. When we got to his place I pulled down his pants and gasped. "Surprised?" he asked. "Too right," I replied. "I thought you meant the mint not the hatchback."
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# 32 : Monday 16-9-2013 @ 13:50
 
 
7. Two Chinese men break into a distillery.

First one asks: "Is this whiskey ?"

Second one replies: "Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank."
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# 33 : Monday 16-9-2013 @ 13:51
 
 
10. Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1.

"Do what?", asked Blonde #2.

"Send my lawn out to be mowed."
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# 34 : Monday 16-9-2013 @ 13:51
 
 
12. An old cowboy walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut and he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had
swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, “Just bring it
back in a couple of days like everyone else does".
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# 35 : Monday 16-9-2013 @ 13:52
 
 
That Chinese baby flushed into a sewer pipe has been named Tam Pon.
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# 36 : Monday 16-9-2013 @ 13:52
 
 
15. If you're attacked by clowns, go for the juggler
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# 37 : Monday 16-9-2013 @ 13:53
 
 
A seal walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "What'll ya' have?".

The seal says, "Anything but Canadian Club.".
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# 38 : Monday 16-9-2013 @ 13:54
 
 
17. A gas station owner near Camden, Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.
The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close ! The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed 2 this time.
The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but NO free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE S ex.".
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, LeRoy . It ain't rigged. My WIFE won twice last week ."
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# 39 : Tuesday 17-9-2013 @ 12:04
 
 
Son: What does gay mean?
Dad: It means "to be happy."
Son: Are you gay?
Dad: No, son. I have a wife.
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# 40 : Tuesday 17-9-2013 @ 12:09
 
 
Of course gay men dress well... They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.

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# 41 : Tuesday 17-9-2013 @ 12:10
 
 
My dyslexic gay friend is so excited for February 14th. He thinks it's Vaseline Day!
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# 42 : Tuesday 17-9-2013 @ 12:11
 
 
Q: What did the Egg say to the boiling water?
A: It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
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# 43 : Tuesday 17-9-2013 @ 12:11
 
 
Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden
A: Seizure salad
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# 44 : Tuesday 17-9-2013 @ 12:12
 
 
A Pint of Guinness
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub.
They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they
were about to enjoy their creamy beverage a fly landed in
each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Irishman fished the offending fly out of his beer and
continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The
Scotsman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over
the beer and then started yelling: "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT
OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
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# 45 : Tuesday 17-9-2013 @ 12:14
 
 
Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the
street.

They saw a baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye,
'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis
a shame to see that the jews are fallin' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said,
"What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill."
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