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Anyone Got Any Good Jokes
 
# 91 : Sunday 20-12-2015 @ 01:23
 
 
Told Granda, to do his christmas shopping at Amazon and he rang me from Brazil to wish me a happy new year.
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# 92 : Saturday 23-1-2016 @ 21:09
 
 
A Jewish man is riding the train reading an Arab newspaper. His friend happens to also be on the train and confronts, "What are you doing reading that?!"

The man replies, "I got sick of the Jewish newspapers. All I ever read about was Jews living in poor conditions, Israel getting attacked, and Jews being persecuted...

Now that I read the Arab newspaper we rule the world! We control the media, run the banks, and are all wealthy. That's much better news!"

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# 93 : Sunday 24-1-2016 @ 01:31
 
 
I hope I didn't already write this one,

I went into Xtra vision and said "can I rent Batman Forever"

and they said no, you can only have it for two night
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# 94 : Monday 25-1-2016 @ 12:42
 
 

It was pissing down when I dived into the newsagents for a paper.
"Jesus, it's really coming down" I remarked.
"Tell me about it" said the shopkeeper.
10 minutes later I was still explaining the water cycle as he threw me out in the rain.
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# 95 : Monday 8-2-2016 @ 16:18
 
 
An Irishman was annoyed to not being able to find a parking space in a large malls parking.
"Lord,"he prayed,"I can't stand it.If you open up a space for me;I swear Ill give up drinking whiskey, and I promise to go to the Church every day."

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shine on an empty parking spot. The man say: "Never mind,I found one."
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# 96 : Sunday 28-8-2016 @ 13:32
 
 
The first orders a beer... The second orders half a beer... The third orders one quarter of a beer... The fourth orders one eighth of a beer...

The bartender pours two beers for the entire group, and replies "cmon guys, know your limits.
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# 97 : Saturday 24-9-2016 @ 23:18
 
 
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# 98 : Sunday 25-9-2016 @ 22:44
 
 
Very good, Butters!
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# 99 : Sunday 25-9-2016 @ 22:44
 
 
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# 100 : Wednesday 28-9-2016 @ 00:04
 
 
Do you know why one side of a Flying V is longer than the other?

Because there are more ducks on that side
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# 101 : Friday 2-12-2016 @ 17:49
 
 
Oxygen and Magnesium went out on a date.

OMG!
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# 102 : Friday 2-12-2016 @ 18:25
 
 
Someone said :
Oxygen and Magnesium went out on a date.

OMG!
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# 103 : Wednesday 7-12-2016 @ 22:59
 
 
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in maths decides to register him at a Catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in maths. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your maths grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!"
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# 104 : Thursday 8-12-2016 @ 01:06
 
 
Someone said :
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in maths decides to register him at a Catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in maths. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your maths grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!"

*awkward silence*
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# 105 : Thursday 9-2-2017 @ 13:39
 
 
Superman arrives late for his press talk and the mayor asks him why was he late? And why is his hair and superman suit torn? Superman then confesses he saw wonder woman laying naked in her sun lounger and decided to have a quickie with her at the speed of light but he said she was surprised but not as surprised as the invisible man.
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