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Anyone Got Any Good Jokes
 
# 106 : Thursday 30-3-2017 @ 13:41
 
 
What do you call a french man wearing sandles?

Philippe Philoppe
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# 107 : Thursday 30-3-2017 @ 15:21
 
 
Who's the coolest person in the hospital?

The Ultra Sound guy.

^^^^
Wins the thread.
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# 108 : Saturday 29-7-2017 @ 04:37
 
 
One kid asks another kid,
What's the difference between ignornace and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care
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# 109 : Tuesday 15-8-2017 @ 22:34
 
 
Jonathan Cheban.
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# 110 : Monday 18-12-2017 @ 01:47
 
 
So, finally decided too get rid of the Hoover

It was just gathering dust
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# 111 : Monday 18-12-2017 @ 01:48
 
 
My pet Mouse Elvis died today

He was caught in a trap
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# 112 : Monday 18-12-2017 @ 02:02
 
 
We were so poor growing up.. that if you didn't wake up on Christmas morning with an erection.. you had nothing to play with..
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# 113 : Tuesday 8-1-2019 @ 21:20
 
 

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# 114 : Sunday 20-1-2019 @ 23:56
 
 
Why should you not mix alcohol and calculus?

Because you should never drink and derive.
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# 115 : Tuesday 22-1-2019 @ 13:37
 
 
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# 116 : Wednesday 23-1-2019 @ 23:56
 
 
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# 117 : Saturday 26-1-2019 @ 16:03
 
 
Not a joke, so much as a true story by Douglas Adams

This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person is me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I’d gotten the time of the train wrong. I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table. I want you to picture the scene. It’s very important that you get this very clear in your mind. Here’s the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There’s a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase. It didn’t look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.
Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There’s nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies. You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know… But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do aclue in the newspaper, couldn’t do anything, and thought, What am I going to do?

In the end I thought Nothing for it, I’ll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, That settled him. But it hadn’t because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie. Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice…” I mean, it doesn’t really work.

We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away. Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and st back.

A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies. The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who’s had the same exact story, only he doesn’t have the punch line.
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# 118 : Saturday 26-1-2019 @ 17:06
 
 
Was there an ad commercial, done on that scenario recently?
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