Something that's come up a bit recently on the boards, but also that I've been thinking about in general since I started meeting people on the scene. Why do some gay guys have such a self consciousness about their image? There are people I've talked to here and in real life that are very self deprecating about the way they look even though they look fine and could easily pick someone up. This seems to be more of an issue for gays than straight guys, and I really don't get it!
Outside of the fact that a lot of the people who have presented with image problems, whether obviously or more subtle snipes at themsleves, range from not bad looking to hot via pretty damn good looking, my other confusion is that the scene is so open to people whatever they look like! So many times I've seen people together of massively different agesm which seems to happen less on the straight scene. Or people who don't look like they "belong" together getting on well (say people in massively different agr group, of different looks or of different social background), whereas again on the straight scene, the "beautiful people" (say the blonde girl with the Brian O'Drioscol lookalike) end up together and there seems less room for the "different" person to end up with someone. The gay scene tends to care less about looks in others, yet people seem to be obsessed about the way they look and are presented to others.
I've a mate of the "skinny, athletic" body variety whose gone travvelling and he was talking about working on his abs before he went away.... if anything, if he built up he'd look really stupid.
Personally I'm fine with the way I look but can be pretty self depricating, whether its my floppy hair or my belly in a triathlon suit (horifficaly unforgiving things!
) but its all in humour. Because of the way I look there are people i wouldn't fit in with but there are people I do. I'm with someone now, initially because of the way we both look to each other but in the longer term because of the personality thing that tends to be forgotten about by single people disparaging themselves. But if we hadn't clicked on a personal level, the relation would've only lasted the best part of a week.
To say it's not about looks, sounds patronizing, but looking around at couples (and not just one night stands in a bar) it really seem to be true. The most unlikely couples can get together, and yet there's a clamber to look perfect, whatever that is!
What's this about? We're a group that has a reputation about being vain for looks but don't really care when getting into relationship. Why is it there and why does it seem (to me) to be so ingrained into the lifestyle?