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Passive Aggressive
 
# 31 : Sunday 18-12-2011 @ 08:29
 
 
Someone said :
I like the one about hovering whilst you pee.

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/15/when-you-pee/

"Have a really great day! God Bless!"

I was wondering about Hoovering and peeing at the same time
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# 32 : Sunday 18-12-2011 @ 09:39
 
 
Someone said :

I was wondering about Hoovering and peeing at the same time

oh god, do you abuse your hoover?
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# 33 : Sunday 18-12-2011 @ 18:34
 
 
Someone said :
I'm sure that sentence s accompanied by eye rolls

Absolutely! Then I get an explanation of what they did (usually very innocuous) that set him off. I'm Dr. Phil at work....
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# 34 : Tuesday 20-12-2011 @ 14:22
 
 
The paradox of passive-aggressiveness is that when they become active-defensive, they tends to be more likely to accuse others of being passive-aggressive than anything else.
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# 35 : Tuesday 11-6-2019 @ 12:24
 
 
How do you interact with passive agressive people? A person I am on a committee with is very passive agressive; doesnt like being questioned or anyone ever having a differing opinion. When I question I get rudely dismissed. When I say that I feel I am being rudely dismissed I get accused of bullying. This person always has to have the last word on issues and always has to be right no matter what.
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# 36 : Tuesday 11-6-2019 @ 12:26
 
 
Someone said :
Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words" when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating.

Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting." How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.

Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions. If you aren't to blame then it is something that happened at work, the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store. The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has faults and they must be punished for those faults.

Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable. Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.

Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. "Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn't depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support."

Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can't trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you by withholding sex.

Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse? If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it. It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way. He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but, rarely will he/she follow through with giving it. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.

Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly. If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because; in their mind, it was someone else's fault that they were late. He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations, an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store.

Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned anyone who expects differently from them.

Definitely the person I am referring to has a lot of these traits.
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# 37 : Tuesday 11-6-2019 @ 16:34
 
 
I haven't had to deal with this type of personality much but I would politely keep on their case when you feel they are riding roughshod over you and others.
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# 38 : Tuesday 11-6-2019 @ 17:02
 
 
Someone said :
How do you interact with passive agressive people? A person I am on a committee with is very passive agressive; doesnt like being questioned or anyone ever having a differing opinion. When I question I get rudely dismissed. When I say that I feel I am being rudely dismissed I get accused of bullying. This person always has to have the last word on issues and always has to be right no matter what.

I find that starting by using the "ladder of inference" can be useful, to find out the root motivation. Not assuming that they are just passive-aggressive because of a flaw in their character, but that there is something that they need or want, which they get that way more easily.

Finding ways to give them what they seek in a different way can be useful. But it can be hard to do of course!

Here are some tips which are not too bad, especially when it come to separating the passive from the aggressive: https://www.glassdoor.com/blog/passive-aggressive-coworker/

Sometime the only way is either to beat them at their own game, but that makes you as bad as they are.

Or using the "mental judo", you can make them be more passive-aggressive: by exaggerating the excuses they make, how they are victims, how it is not their fault, how they cannot do anything about it, how it is not easy to remember, how the deadline is not important and we should all ignore it, you can lead to a demonstration by the absurd that even them cannot support.

It can also lead them to want to contradict you further, thus turning 180 degrees to appear to be right! (The classical "reverse psychology")

The risk though is that good passive-aggressive people (like me) see though such manipulations. But then it would mean that you are more likely confronted with a psychopath/sociopath (like me), and not a simple passive-aggressive.
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# 39 : Tuesday 11-6-2019 @ 19:43
 
 
I'm aggressive passive.
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# 40 : Tuesday 11-6-2019 @ 20:45
 
 
Someone said :
I haven't had to deal with this type of personality much but I would politely keep on their case when you feel they are riding roughshod over you and others.

I suppose what has happened upto now is that I have lost the cool and ended up becoming agressive. The issue is this person cant ever step back, give in, admit she is wrong.
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# 41 : Wednesday 12-6-2019 @ 19:24
 
 
I'm cautious about people giving out about people who are "passive agressive".
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# 42 : Wednesday 12-6-2019 @ 19:33
 
 
Someone said :
I'm cautious about people giving out about people who are "passive agressive".

Is it because people call you that a lot, and you feel it is not warranted?
Or is it because you witnessed more passive-aggressive pots called every second kettle black?

Someone said :
The paradox of passive-aggressiveness is that when they become active-defensive, they tends to be more likely to accuse others of being passive-aggressive than anything else.

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# 43 : Wednesday 12-6-2019 @ 19:44
 
 
It's a case of pot calling kettle black.
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# 44 : Wednesday 12-6-2019 @ 20:50
 
 
Someone said :
It's a case of pot calling kettle black.

The pot always seemed a bit racist
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# 45 : Wednesday 12-6-2019 @ 23:18
 
 
I'm not passive aggressive, UNLIKE SOMEONE
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