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Gay/Homosexual - Is There A Difference?
 
# 1 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 10:29
 
 
In another thread there was a tangental discussion about the difference between gay and homosexual. Is there a difference?
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# 2 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 10:42
 
 
I resolved a lot of confusion within myself when I came to the conclusion that:
I am not gay, I'm just homosexual.

There seems to be a lot of extra stuff that is assumed to come along with being gay.
Most of it doesn't make any sense to me so I'm not gay.
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# 3 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 10:44
 
 
What sort of stuff?
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# 4 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 10:52
 
 
Someone said :
I resolved a lot of confusion within myself when I came to the conclusion that:
I am not gay, I'm just homosexual.

There seems to be a lot of extra stuff that is assumed to come along with being gay.
Most of it doesn't make any sense to me so I'm not gay.

If this is how you are comfortable positioning yourself, then that is who you are.
As long as you do not join the gay-bashing crowd that used to threaten you.
The only issue with you position would be if it was used, like the "g0ys" crowd, to bully those who used to be socially bullied alongside yourself.

No one is asking you to be a "gay activist". You can be who you want.
But if you become an anti-gay campaigner, then you have to wonder if all your issues are actually resolved, or just parked. Eventhougt you used in that other thread "gayphobic", I give you credit for not actually meaning you hate the gays: I assume you'd just hate to be one yourself.
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# 5 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 10:58
 
 
Also maybe you have a stereotypical image of what "being gay" means.
It can mean just being homosexual in the bedroom, openly having a relationship with a man, being a family like any other (with or without children), not going out "on the scene" or being interested in a perceived "gay fashion" or "gay lifestyle" (which are all 3 only one small part of the gay community.

Being part of the gay community does not mean you are part of the "gay scene", just like not all hetero-males go to the pub every evening to talk football and cheat on their wives or go clubbing to pull and escape their dead-end job and their 5 children.

Sexuality is a continuous spectrum, so is homosexuality, so is the gay community.
But if you'd rather define yourself as outside of any of these circles, suit yourself.
As long as you do not shot to kill anyone who does not do the same thing just because "what you do is the only acceptable thing to be done".

As long as your attitude is fed by the love of you rather than the hate of others, it is just fine.
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# 6 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 11:16
 
 
Someone said :
What sort of stuff?

Anything apart from the fact that 5% of men make my dick hard and 0% of women make my dick hard.
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# 7 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 11:30
 
 
I'm not saying anything about anyone else.
My use of the word "gayphobic" was perhaps in bad judgement, so I withdraw it.
I don't hate gay people. I have nothing against gay people.
But gay is just not me.
I'm not uptight about it.
I'm very relaxed. I've just figured out that gay is not me.
I'm 100% in favour of full equality for same-sex relationships.

I just prefer to remove every possible connotation that may arise from me describing myself as gay.
I think the use of the word "gay" stems from a time when homosexuality was considered to be an illness, so people needed to use a different word and they came up with "gay".
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# 8 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 11:59
 
 
Someone said :
I'm not saying anything about anyone else.
My use of the word "gayphobic" was perhaps in bad judgement, so I withdraw it.
I don't hate gay people. I have nothing against gay people.
But gay is just not me.
I'm not uptight about it.
I'm very relaxed. I've just figured out that gay is not me.
I'm 100% in favour of full equality for same-sex relationships.

I just prefer to remove every possible connotation that may arise from me describing myself as gay.
I think the use of the word "gay" stems from a time when homosexuality was considered to be an illness, so people needed to use a different word and they came up with "gay".

Men who have sex with men...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_who_have_sex_with_men
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# 9 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 12:09
 
 
Someone said :
I resolved a lot of confusion within myself when I came to the conclusion that:
I am not gay, I'm just homosexual.

There seems to be a lot of extra stuff that is assumed to come along with being gay.
Most of it doesn't make any sense to me so I'm not gay.

if you are happy to do that inteR then its fine. you are not promoting that other gay people do the same so i dont have an issue with your point of view. mine and many others would differ.
i dont usually get too into debates over semantics as its a personal thing in the end of the day. but if you are into other men then other people will classify you as being gay, queer, fag, etc but its up to you to decide the way you describe your sexual orientation. i see myself as a sexual being, and i have sex with men, so i am happy with that and the other labels are just ones used that i dont get too put out over. but i dont use them personally to classify myself. but they are words used by others.
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# 10 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 12:09
 
 
Someone said :

Men who have sex with men...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_who_have_sex_with_men

many men choose not to (or cannot for other reasons) accept sexual identities of homosexual or bisexual.

But I'm fully ok with my sexual identity of homosexual.
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# 11 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 13:31
 
 
Someone said :

Anything apart from the fact that 5% of men make my dick hard

There is an awful lot about gay culture, particularly stereotypes and stereotyping that either doesn't apply to me or I just don't get either so I for one appreciate where you are coming from here.

Tell me though, what of relationships? Do you have/want have you had long term relationships with men? If not does it bother you? If so has your stance ever caused difficulties within the relationship?
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# 12 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 15:04
 
 
I think labels (any label) are for other people. I only ever describe myself as gay/lesbian for other peoples benefit. If it's helpful for them to categorise me, then they can fire ahead and do so.
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# 13 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 16:46
 
 
Someone said :

There is an awful lot about gay culture, particularly stereotypes and stereotyping that either doesn't apply to me or I just don't get either so I for one appreciate where you are coming from here.

Tell me though, what of relationships? Do you have/want have you had long term relationships with men? If not does it bother you? If so has your stance ever caused difficulties within the relationship?

Yes I have long term relationships with men.
My stance hasn't caused any difficulties, it has probably made things easier.
I tend to have relationships with men who see life in a similar way to me.
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# 14 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 17:23
 
 
So to answer your title question: there is a difference for you, but not for the people that the gay culture has had to fight against, in order for you to be free to define yourself the way you see fit on "the spectrum".

Just be aware that if all gay men were like you, you would probably not be able to fully enjoy the human rights you enjoy today. You might even be under the threat of prosecution, that could only be avoided by "not being visible, ever", in other words you would be forced in a closet with the permanent risk of prosecution on a whim.

The sexual minority you belong to is only closer to full social equality thanks to its "visible" gay section. One might argue that visible section is the cause of persecution. One would be badly wrong!

Otherwise, the difference is purely semantic and can never be permanently established.

I still think it is good for you if you have been able to crystallize your identity around that dialectic differentiation. I also think that when things have settled and you have matured, you may wonder why it ever mattered to you in the first place, why you prefer a clinical term to a more socially and historically significant one.

In the meantime, as long as you dot try to convert others or enforce that distinction as being absolute or even meaningful, I can only wish you a happy life.
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# 15 : Saturday 12-1-2013 @ 18:31
 
 
Someone said :
So to answer your title question: there is a difference for you, but not for the people that the gay culture has had to fight against, in order for you to be free to define yourself the way you see fit on "the spectrum".

Just be aware that if all gay men were like you, you would probably not be able to fully enjoy the human rights you enjoy today. You might even be under the threat of prosecution, that could only be avoided by "not being visible, ever", in other words you would be forced in a closet with the permanent risk of prosecution on a whim.

The sexual minority you belong to is only closer to full social equality thanks to its "visible" gay section. One might argue that visible section is the cause of persecution. One would be badly wrong!

Otherwise, the difference is purely semantic and can never be permanently established.

I still think it is good for you if you have been able to crystallize your identity around that dialectic differentiation. I also think that when things have settled and you have matured, you may wonder why it ever mattered to you in the first place, why you prefer a clinical term to a more socially and historically significant one.

In the meantime, as long as you dot try to convert others or enforce that distinction as being absolute or even meaningful, I can only wish you a happy life.

All I'm saying is that I'm far happier and far less confused, conflicted, annoyed since I removed myself as much as possible from the word "gay" and purely settled on the fact that I am simply homosexual.
I don't see any use for the word "gay" in modern life, ever since homosexuality has no longer been a crime or a medical disorder.

I'm very grateful to those in the past who, sometimes under the banner of "gay", achieved great liberation for homosexual people.
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