Sometimes when I wake up I find one of my fingers is curiously stained and has a rather strange odour. I have no idea what it might be, or how it happened, and wondered if anyone else has ever noticed something similar. Is it possible I might have been abducted by aliens and the "brown finger" is a consequence of that, as I dreamed something like that a while ago. Only in the dream it wasn't aliens exactly and it wasn't my finger which was brown at the end.

Can anyone help?

"Brown finger" "strange odour" you say?

Do you think we are idiots or something?

If you are tearing at your anus in the middle of the night, its most likely you have parasitic worms. They lay their eggs around the anus so they can be spread.

No, that's not it. How did you discover about your "parasitic worms" at all? I hope you found a good cure.

Google nicotine addiction perhaps you smoke in your sleep..

I think I know what nicotine addiction is without having to have it defined by Madame Google. Would there not be evidence of cigarette or cigar butts and ash if that were the case?

I beg to differ. It's pretty much common knowledge that tearing at your hole during the night is a symptom of worms. You've even come online to discuss it so you must be pretty bad. You should probably go to a doctor before you spread it to other people if you haven't already.

tmi

It may be common knowledge in the circles in which you move, and your assumption that that is the only possible explanation seems to tell us more about you than you, perhaps, meant to reveal.

However, in this case you are, simply, incorrect. I am guessing you are not medically trained as no one with even a rudimentary medical training would make such a botched diagnosis, especially online.

How do you know I am incorrect unless you go to a doctor about your anal itching? Maybe its anal warts, piles, a possible anal prolapse or a plethora of other problems but whatever it is, it warrented coming online to discuss it so it must be serious. You should definitely go to the doctor whatever the problem is with your itchy anus.

Madame Google?... Did google become gender specific recently?

Well them maybe you should ask.... errr... a medical professional?

So your logic is that your diagnosis must be correct. Right? Or maybe its something else like the other anal related matters you now introduce. Here's a thought, maybe its not connected to my anus at all? You seem very determined that its an issue about my own anus. Could it be about my partners anus? Or something else entirely, like me putting my finger into the compost on the plants by our bed? Or could it be in my imagination?

Your certainty that its anal related is curious, although you seem to be offering yourself as something of an expert on anus related issues, while at the same time its evident you have little or no medical training, being so certain of your diagnosis over the internet, when no one with even the most rudimentary training would make the mistake of making a diagnosis as you have, but even when you are told you are incorrect you still insist you know what it is. How strange.

Did no one teach you in English class about masculine and feminine when it comes to objects and nouns?

That assumes you think it must be a medical problem? What leads you to that conclusion?