The main reason I posted it, was becasue it was a condensed version of everything I find frustrating about trying to date people.
The things I'm going to say, will probably sound mental,, and prejudice(definitely), and sweeping(definitely), but that's because, they're things I've NOT come to understand yet about dating, so I don't know what the actual story is. I'm feeling around in the dark and every surface I though is the wrong route, with no clue as to what the correct rules are.
Mr.[xxxxx] here, made first contact with me, and we were texting and meeting up for weeks, but after initial contact and a very honest chat about social phobias and stuff, which I accepted and showed patience with, he never ever made an effort after that point (any "good morning how are you today?" or "hey!, long time to see")
It seems you can't ask anyone what's going on here, and finding out "as you go" leads to instant 'game over's. You can't ask potential dates becasue they will be CERTAIN "you're playing games" (this is my only experience, every time I ever tried to be honest with some one the way they subsequently behaved was with distrust or confusion)
It seems you can't ask friends either becasue they either give conflicting and heavily subjective answers, or try to second guess your motives for asking, and fix the answer to suit it, or they act of confidant-and-knowing and over-play their experience with a hopelessly unrealistic answer or something stupid like "just see how it goes!".
Here is it.
How do you let someone, who likes you, know that you like them, but that you're not going to be the one doing 100% of the chasing; All the first contacting, the "hello, how are you todays?" the "are you free this weekend?",The "let's meet next week".
So far, here are the three things I've tried
Stratagy 1, ignore the fact I'm doing the chasing, some people are just socially awkward, continue making the plans for both of you and let them cherry pick (within reason) what they're available for.
Result; I've been completely used, and one time, actually cheated on. The two or three most upsetting, heartbreaking episodes I;ve ever experienced, was becasue of this strategy, it doesn't work, and I am unwilling to try it again.
Strategy 2; Be honest, actually say "you need to do more" or "I'd like you to contact me next weekend" or "you can pick the next thing to do"
Result; they think I'm playing games, and quickly lose interest, or they say "yeah cool I will" and they just flat out DON'T and things fizzle out.
Strategy3; Literally leave them alone until they contact you,
Result; "I though you must be dating someone else so I deleted your contact"
Stratagy 3 is as far as I can go, I cant see another option, and all three that I do see, have all ended in failure.
I do not know how to date people. Am I just too plain looking? Is it that I'm only worth bothering with, if I do all the pushing? Would things have fizzled out if I was Brad Pitt? Would things have fizzled out if I was more of a whore or less of a whore or if I was rich? Is it just their fault and I've had a bad run? Is there an "unspoken" rhythm to things that no one is capable of explaining to me, and it;s going to take me until I'm 50 to understand, then I'll explain it to my friends and my friends will say "yeah, man that;s exactly how it goes" and I'll say "THEN WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE EXPLAINED THAT TO ME WHEN I WAS A FRUSTRATED 30 YEAR OLD CONSTANTLY TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE!???" and they'll be like "Oh I just didn't know how to explain it"
Why do grown adults, always assume It's the done thing to be dishonest about love? I've been nothing but honest so far in my entire life, and withen reason I;m doing OK in most departments, but with love/sex/relations NOTHING has worked, NOTHING has come of me being honest.