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Trying To Date Someone With Low Self Esteem.
 
# 1 : Friday 7-9-2018 @ 23:07
 
 
I'm a pretty confidant guy most of the time, but it took me a long time to get there. It may be that I've lost touch with what it's like to not have self confidence but...

How are you supposed to date someone who puts themselves down, and constantly thinks they're not good enough for you and keeps a record of every 'mistake' they make or everything they did that maDe you challenge their behavior?

And who beats themselves up for their short comings and NEVER let's them go.


Case Study;

Them "something crazy/racist/sexist about someone on TV"

Me "Hey, that's crazy/racist/sexist, you should try not do that"

"what?! Oh no!, I can't do anything right, I'm such a screw up"

"It's OK, everyone is a screw up in some way"

"yeah but I'm always screwing up, I just don't want to lose you"

"Jesus!, I'm not going to suddenly hate you because of a stupid comment on a TV programme, (insert joke to lighten the mood)"

"Oh sorry" (we kiss and make up)

2 weeks later:

Them "I'm sad today"

"why?"

"because I'm always screwing up..."

"dude, people screw up all the time, you need to forgive yourself big time"

I'm just worried about losing you, your the best thing in my life and I'm determined to try harder "

Like is it me? or is that too much!? How do you explain to someone THIS SENSITIVE about making mistakes, that their crippling self-doubt is the only problem they have?
I feel like the sub-context of our entire communications of late is a dark voice inside their saying "I know you WILL break up with me, and I don't want that, but it's all I can think about and it would once-and-for-all prove that I am a loser"

At this stage, I feel like I'm trying to date someone I should be charging for self help coaching.

Help, Advice, or a shotgun with which to KILL MYSELF all welcome.
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# 2 : Saturday 8-9-2018 @ 12:29
 
 
Advise he goes to counselling, on the issue and give him some links/numbers/leaflets?
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# 3 : Saturday 8-9-2018 @ 22:33
 
 
Get the hell out of there Green.. Toxic person.. We all can indulge in a litle bit of self pity from time to time but, you need to think about No. One.. I.E. you.. ask yourself 'is this person good for me'.?
Reply
 
# 4 : Sunday 9-9-2018 @ 00:39
 
 
I would suggest for him to go to a counselor, see he gets on with them.
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# 5 : Sunday 9-9-2018 @ 07:50
 
 
Yeah, I thought the responses would be along those lines.

But like, why do sentient, intelligent humans behave this way?!
Is there any way to get through to them?
Reply
 
# 6 : Sunday 9-9-2018 @ 08:46
 
 
Someone said :
Yeah, I thought the responses would be along those lines.

But like, why do sentient, intelligent humans behave this way?!
Is there any way to get through to them?

Why do you behave the way you do ? Circumstances ? Environment ?
If you understand yourself you'll maybe understand another person.

When any two people go out both don't see each other's obvious failings and that's for a good 6-9 months and then they surface but usually there are positives and negatives as both really get to know each other.
He just sounds insecure you sound scared to be in a relationship. Probably both of you need to talk to each other more than you are honestly.
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# 7 : Sunday 9-9-2018 @ 14:22
 
 
Someone said :
Yeah, I thought the responses would be along those lines.

But like, why do sentient, intelligent humans behave this way?!
Is there any way to get through to them?

I think it's not a nice thing talking about it on a public forum.
Reply
 
# 8 : Sunday 9-9-2018 @ 21:13
 
 
Someone said :

He just sounds insecure you sound scared to be in a relationship. Probably both of you need to talk to each other more than you are honestly.

We talk all the time and I would love to be in a relationship.

Someone said :

I think it's not a nice thing talking about it on a public forum.

Gaire isn't public.
I'm a gay man asking colleagues for advice.

People talk about buying knickers, and getting gang banged by old people on this forum.
Reply
 
# 9 : Sunday 9-9-2018 @ 21:42
 
 
Someone said :

I think it's not a nice thing talking about it on a public forum.

No-one, in this life is perfect and we all have our rough edges. It's not like they are a celebrity couple, Gaire is FB and we're all gossiping about them.
Reply
 
# 10 : Sunday 9-9-2018 @ 22:44
 
 
Someone said :
Gaire isn't public.
I'm a gay man asking colleagues for advice.

People talk about buying knickers, and getting gang banged by old people on this forum.

Yeah but they don't have their picture up for all to see.
Reply
 
# 11 : Sunday 9-9-2018 @ 22:49
 
 
Someone said :

No-one, in this life is perfect and we all have our rough edges. It's not like they are a celebrity couple, Gaire is FB and we're all gossiping about them.

And what if he came on this site and read this? Nice.....
Reply
 
# 12 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 03:19
 
 
Someone said :

Yeah but they don't have their picture up for all to see.

"For all to see"

You'd swear Gaire was the Times Square Billboard.

First off, being gay is part of who I am. In the past I have had to work hard on accepting that, and accepted it I have, for quite a while now.

I am Proud to have my pictures up "for all to see" because I am not hiding homosexuality from anyone.
If you are passive-aggressively insinuating that there is some sort of egotistical, machiavellian, or confrontational element to having a profile here with my actual face on it, then you can keep your Irish guilt-ridden begrudgery to yourself.

Secondly I don't say anything about anyone, that I wouldn't say to their face, or, if I weren't acting in their best interest.
This is me looking for advice, because I am at my wit's end trying to make something work with a person I care deeply about.
I'm out of my depth and I need help.
If you don't wish to give advice (this topic had been posted under "Advice").

Please stop derailing the topic, you've registered your discontent.
It has been received, just move on.
Reply
 
# 13 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 07:47
 
 
It's nothing to do with being gay. It's about being a decent person.
Reply
 
# 14 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 08:20
 
 
OK then, fuck the thread. thanks.

Lets talk about THIS instead. So what's not decent about it?
Reply
 
# 15 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 16:48
 
 
... and no response.

So derail the topic with judgmental comments, without knowing the full story, then don't back up what you have to say when asked about it.
Reply
 
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