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Trying To Date Someone With Low Self Esteem.
 
# 16 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 16:50
 
 
I don't care for your aggressive posting.

I'm done responding to you. You're too much drama.
Reply
 
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# 17 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 17:07
 
 
If you have any shred of decency in you as a human being, you will realize that you owe me an explanation.

You don't get to derail a topic like this where I'm looking for advice for someone I care deeply about, and then just dust your hand.
That is absolutely the worst kind of judgmental bullying.

Explain to me why what I've done makes me an indecent person.
Reply
 
# 18 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 17:14
 
 
Calm down guys.

Greenman, he is saying that your post could identify the person and they might not like you talking about their Issues.

Pow Pow, stop pretending you give a fuck about a stranger on the net just so you can play the offence card.
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# 19 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 17:15
 
 
It's disgusting.
I am rightfully angry.
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# 20 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 17:16
 
 
Jesus
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# 21 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 17:17
 
 
Someone said :
Calm down guys.

Greenman, he is saying that your post could identify the person and they might not like you talking about their Issues.

Pow Pow, stop pretending you give a fuck about a stranger on the net just so you can play the offence card.

This is correct.
Reply
 
# 22 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 17:58
 
 
Ahh, so it's a "could" and a "might" situation.
That's why the advice thread I put up in a small forum of peers I though I could trust NEEDED to be hijacked by somebody telling me I'm not a decent person.

My post "could" identify; not "will", but "could" identify the person, and they "might" not like me talking about their issues, not "will", but "might". I forgot some of you might have only ever watched internet thriller movies from the late 90's when you could realistically happen across stuff like this on a tiny forum, on a tiny website, in the middle of nowhere back when the online world consisted of yahoo messenger, geocities and your email account.

I have ASKED people to join Gaire and they refused and/or couldn't find it/never heard of it. So first off, I will cook and eat my own dick if the person I may or may not be alluding too in this thread ever reads it.

Secondly
Do any of you know this person?
Do any of you know what they are or are not comfortable with reading online about someone which may or may not be themselves?

Didn't think so.

I'll make sure if I ever need similar advice, I'll stay away from Gaire, as this has highlighted precisely the reason why nothing of substance gets talked about here. i.e., users such as Pow Pow dishing out thoughtless, self-righteous trolling with no integrity if challenged about it, and then downplaying their utter lack of respect for, what is a very-tough-and-difficult-situation-that-I-am-still-in with
Someone said :
Jesus

Reply
 
# 23 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 19:10
 
 
Someone said :
Yeah, I thought the responses would be along those lines.

But like, why do sentient, intelligent humans behave this way?!
Is there any way to get through to them?

Yes Bud, just hold them & ask nothing of them..
Reply
 
# 24 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 19:31
 
 
Someone said :
Jesus

What?
Reply
 
# 25 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 22:28
 
 
Tell your boyfriend you want things to work out too but that his neediness is grating and not attractive. You need to stop feeding it too by reassuring him all the time...just give him a look/make violin motion anytime he does it. Unless of course hes quite down about it....which should be the exception rather than rule.
Mind you, if you were finger wagging at me anytime I made a slightly off the PC script comment about the Real Housewives of Wherever etc in the comfort of my home, you'd be kicked square in the arse out onto the street. I hope he's not a nervous wreck walking on eggshells round you. Maybe it was just the example you gave.
Sounds like a colourful relationship.
Reply
 
# 26 : Monday 10-9-2018 @ 23:58
 
 
Someone said :
Mind you, if you were finger wagging at me anytime I made a slightly off the PC script comment about the Real Housewives of Wherever etc in the comfort of my home, you'd be kicked square in the arse out onto the street. I hope he's not a nervous wreck walking on eggshells round you. Maybe it was just the example you gave.#.

Funnily enough, that's the first thing that popped into my head also. If someone said to me "you should try not do that" like I was a 5 year old child being scolded, I would not be impressed.

I say some very inappropriate things sometimes in the company of close friends.. if my partner didn't like my sense of humour, or he felt the need to lecture me on it; I would think we're probably not very well suited. But maybe it was just the example Greenmanpp gave.
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# 27 : Tuesday 11-9-2018 @ 02:55
 
 
Someone said :

Mind you, if you were finger wagging at me anytime I made a slightly off the PC script comment about the Real Housewives of Wherever etc in the comfort of my home, you'd be kicked square in the arse out onto the street. I hope he's not a nervous wreck walking on eggshells round you. Maybe it was just the example you gave.
Sounds like a colourful relationship.

Yeah, I mean obviously the example was condensed ad "made extreme".
But, say if it were you, and you told me to fuck off, that wold be something I could work with.

Reply
 
# 28 : Tuesday 11-9-2018 @ 03:06
 
 
Someone said :

Yes Bud, just hold them & ask nothing of them..

that's the only thing I've found that works.

It's like trying to tell someone they're valuable, but they never believe you, and I don't know how long I can keep telling them the same thing, before I stop being a person trying to date them, and begin being... just a friend/life coach who wants the best for them.
Reply
 
# 29 : Monday 17-9-2018 @ 10:33
 
 
OK, so here is my take on the situation.

My partner has a few self-esteem issues but in general is a lovely guy. If your man is seriously in need of counselling then that is the only route he should take but if it's a question of negative self-beliefs that don't dominate his thought patterns but only come up once in a while, then communication and support can work wonders.

Firstly, are you seriously interested in him as a potential partner? I was, so we agreed that we were in it for the long term and there would be no giving up on each other for at least a year. That gave us both the security to know that neither of us was going to dump the other over a stupid row. And we did have some rows in the first year.

My guy likes a lot of reassurance. I often tell him things that I like about him, I tell him how I appreciate everything he does for me and in return I really like to do nice things for him. There's also lots of affection and holding each other. So though some might call him high-maintenance it is all reciprocated.

We're through the first year now and he has just moved into my house, which has also brought some new concerns as he was giving up some independence and was a bit scared as he had never lived with a partner before. So we talked it all through and agreed again that we would extend our no-dumping agreement for a second year, giving him the assurance he needed.

Things happen still that can trigger a negative response and sometimes I can be a bit impatient but we have learned to communicate and don't bottle things up.

That's been my experience so hope it might give you some ideas of how to progress things if you want to take him on. It's been a bit of a roller-coaster ride for us but I wouldn't swap him for anything and we are now thinking about getting married some day.
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# 30 : Monday 17-9-2018 @ 16:32
 
 
Wow, interesting.

Thanks for sharing that.
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