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Failed Marrige For Being Honest
# 1 : Friday 28-12-2018 @ 22:02
.I am at a real loss.....nearly ten years ago I told my wife I was transgendered and much as I have tried thing have only gone down hill....im told I am allowed to be me and to dress and find myself and hours later it blows up into a mssive row bout how I should have known better and that I was pushing my luck...im so bloody confussed I swear...I thought when she said she accepted me she actually did and now this drama yet again like....Its ripping me apart..i never asked to be me,i never hurt anyone,i never ever put me first ever and im always the one feeling alone and miserable hiding away from the family as im the enemy and ruining everyones lives...yet im always welcome when things go worng or money is needed...im so so confussed
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# 2 : Friday 28-12-2018 @ 22:10
Hi Chloe - so sorry to hear that times are tough - have you linked in with any of the support organisations like TENI? LGBT Ireland?


They have a few support groups around the country, along with a phone line that may be of help to you - especially if there's an opportunity to link in with people who have had a similar journey.
# 3 : Friday 28-12-2018 @ 22:26
There is nothing wrong with being who you are, maybe you and your wife should both go to a councilor who specializes in transgender relationships. It probably took you a long time to tell your wife that your transgender, she may need time and help to see if she can accept it.
# 4 : Friday 28-12-2018 @ 22:35
ive tried but my attempts are seen as me being disloyal and intending to leave,,,im tld get support but any I do is met with me destroying things.and im told that being me has everything wrong about it actually....I have been so honest throughout me since we met and whgen I discovered why I felt like I did I was open about it ....every word from 3 years of therapy written in a diary for her to understand yet im still the enemy...
# 5 : Saturday 29-12-2018 @ 00:35
Then she's a fuck-tard.
Divorce her.

You've been honest, and she either wants you or she doesn't. If she wants you to be someone you're not then she's not being fair and the marriage will not work.
# 6 : Saturday 29-12-2018 @ 12:49
Someone said :
Then she's a fuck-tard.
Divorce her.

You've been honest, and she either wants you or she doesn't. If she wants you to be someone you're not then she's not being fair and the marriage will not work.

Ah Jaysus, you're cracking a nut with a sledgehammer there. She needs time to accept this, have you any idea how she feels about it and try to understand a little.
# 7 : Saturday 29-12-2018 @ 13:19
Yeah really shitty advice there.
# 8 : Saturday 29-12-2018 @ 15:43
It sounds like part of you needs to not give a fuck about what others think of you. Not that you shouldn't care at all, but you can't allow other people define you, however you may love them. Do you need to give some pushback sometimes, to assert yourself more?

Someone mentioned divorce - too extreme I think, but I get what they are thinking. It sounds like the relationship has completely broken down.

You may need to ask yourself whether you still want to share your life with her.

If you do, you need to know if she does too.
# 9 : Saturday 29-12-2018 @ 22:08
to be honest Chloe she seems to want to controll you and that's wrong you are who you are and nobody has the right to try. change that you really are a kind caring and amazing person she will probably never accept fully who you are but really th ats her loss as much as you care for her you really need to let go if you truly want to be happy remember this always be true to yourself and happiness will follow.xxxx
# 10 : Sunday 30-12-2018 @ 12:03
This must be incredibly difficult for your wife. She didn't realise she was marrying a transgender person at the time you got hitched. And to be fair, it is going to change the chemistry of the relationship. She's entitled to be confused, frustrated, angry..
She's also entitled to have mixed feelings about it over the years.
I think with a big announcement like that, you also have to give her an option to get out of marriage because it's not what she signed up for, and arguably, you knew going into it that you had these desires but didn't share them.
By the way- there's nothing wrong with you, and you shouldn't change, but it doesn't mean she's obliged to like it or stay with you.
# 11 : Sunday 30-12-2018 @ 14:00
To everyone that has replied,i thank you kindly,and at times impartial advice is whats needed and I am finding that here chatting to you lovely people...I accept that my disclosure is a massive thing,and I accept its changed the very dynamics of the family unit,Im just very very lost as to progress without ripping the very fibre of life apart..im sad that simply being me causes so much hurt,and that when most seek nice houses and cars and this and that my happiest need in life causes such misery if that makes sense...The delight of looking in the mirror and recognising the person looking back is beyond words but also seems beyong achievable at times...I am so very thankful for being able to share and for everyone advising me and trying to help me and as ive said its the advice I need to hear really as sometimes when one is so involved in something it is so very hard to ever see reason ....
# 12 : Sunday 27-1-2019 @ 01:17
I wish I had you courage to come out and reveal the real me. But I never want to hurt her self or my kids. This is my sin I have to live with. I do things behind her back I feel so guilty for. But its who I am I wish I could dress and look pretty like you and the convinced to feel hot but I can't. I wish every day I could talk to some one about my feelings but I would hurt so many people I can't. As the saying goes you made your bed. So you be strong I can feel your pain but also your wife its a shock. What has she done wrong what did she do make you this all these thought going around her head. But like me we were always this way but just come come out for shame and not being accepted. I just hope it works out for ye
# 13 : Sunday 27-1-2019 @ 20:28
Really humbled by what I’ve read from you two. Like a lot of bi/gay guys of my generation, I’m 63, I lived through a time when being gay was stigmatised and we could be harassed and discriminated against with no legal redress. However, I’ve lived long enough to have seen how a generous public has forced politicians to change things here.
Can’t offer much except heartfelt good wishes and hope that by more brave people like yourselves sharing experiences, things will get better.
I don’t for a moment overlook the pain and hurt those around you suffer also.
# 14 : Monday 28-1-2019 @ 14:51
How long was she your wife before you told her about this important part of who you are?
# 15 : Monday 28-1-2019 @ 21:43
Murphy 226 - there is no shame in being who you are.

Chloe1 - be you.
Those around you need time to "transition" with you, give them time.
There will be those that accept you. Cherish them.
There will be those who just can't understand you. Educate them (you are braver than you think).
There may be those who will never accept you. In time they may "tolerate" you. This is their issue, not your's.
Change the things that you can change, accept the the things you cannot.

Don't take your decisions lightly, but definitely take decisions on how you feel is the right way for you to live your life. Doing nothing at all is not a healthy option. We all want to look after the feelings of those around us that we love but it's important to look after yourself also.

Take your time, talk with those who have been down a similar path to you (there are many) and do only what feels right for you. x
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