Become A Member | Forum | Profiles | Personals | Classifieds | See Who's Online ...
 
View Topic
  Message Boards : Coming Out : View Topic : 11 Posts, Page 1 of 1
  HomeNewNoticesHot TopicsPollsStatsBlogs Login / Register
 
Parents Still Not Accepting
 
# 1 : Tuesday 23-7-2019 @ 11:24
 
 
Hi

Does anyone else have a mother or father, who still has problem with you being gay?

Despite you telling them years ago?

How do you deal with it yourself, how did you accept it?
Reply
 
# 2 : Tuesday 23-7-2019 @ 16:45
 
 
Hi Sortedguy,

I came out to my Dad when I was 23 during my postgrad and initially he was troubled but after a few weeks he came round and told me that I was his son, he loved me, was proud of me and wanted me to be happy. I was very fortunate in this regard as he was a pretty open-minded man.

My late mother died when I was only 15 so I obviously didn't come out to her (I didn't come out to myself until I was 21) but I know she would have been accepting.

So you are having difficulties? Can I ask is it due to religion - are they very conservative? Are you out to your wider family, siblings, cousins?

At the end of tte day, it's your life and we only get to live the one - and if parents are not accepting of one's sexuality, you must not let their lack of acceptance hold you back or to emotional ransom. I know this is much easier said than done. You are not in the wrong - they are.

There are support groups for parents of LGBT persons and web links to related resources. Have you looked into these?
Reply
 
# 3 : Tuesday 23-7-2019 @ 19:19
 
 
partents goes something like:

Tell them

Give them space

Let them digest it

if after several years they're not accepting, FUCK them.
Reply
 
# 4 : Tuesday 23-7-2019 @ 23:02
 
 
Hi

I sent an email and rang http://lovingouroutkids.org, have not got a reply from them.

I'm out to all my friends and siblings, I don't hang around with my cousins, so never told them, some of them are friends with me on Facebook so they should know.

It's only my mother who has an issue, I think it's due to her religion, her misconception of what it is to be gay, she still thinks people make fun of ay people on tv and she thinks it's her fault.

I get a bit sad she hasn't changed, feels sort of like going back into closet with her.
Reply
 
# 5 : Wednesday 24-7-2019 @ 21:22
 
 
When you posted about this before in 2016 one of the main issues was that your mother would hide in her room when you visited with your partner. If this is still happening my advice is the same now as it was then. Stop visiting her and do not attend family events where you or your partner will be subjected to this childish behaviour.

If she wants to continue seeing you, you should suggest that she gets some form of counselling first. She may need to hear from a third party that it's not her fault you are gay and hopefully she will realise how badly she has been treating you.
Reply
 
# 6 : Thursday 25-7-2019 @ 10:54
 
 
Hi

I went over again last night, I told her that I don't expect her to change but just to accept me.

I told her she needs to talk to someone who's not connected to me or the family, she has agreed to go to a counselor.

I feel bit better, thanks for the advice.
Reply
 
# 7 : Thursday 25-7-2019 @ 11:14
 
 
That's good news sortedguy.
Reply
 
# 8 : Thursday 25-7-2019 @ 12:42
 
 
Thats a positive development - hope it all works out.
Reply
 
# 9 : Saturday 27-7-2019 @ 00:30
 
 
Good job. Think of it this way, your mom can get get healthy about it until you get healthy about it. If someone treats you poorly, don’t plead or preach or tolerate it. State your concern, state you care about the relationship, but you wouldn’t let friends treat you poorly and family should only be different in that they treat you better, not worse. So sad as it is, distance unless behavior changes. Don’t create the distance with anger or venom (unless you really don’t care yourself and you just want them out) Sometimes it’s easier to see if your family is treating your friends poorly rather than seeing how they treat you directly. That’s important, you may see disrespect which to tolerate when directed at yourself, but you also may see overtures from family, trying to make contact.
Reply
 
# 10 : Monday 29-7-2019 @ 12:36
 
 
Hi Sortedguy,

I still have problems with family and the LGBT issues. They dont accept it and Mum and I just cant talk about it. There is a major like dark space which is heavy over the whole thing. I know thats a weird way to explain it but its basically whats its like.

Years ago I got involved in a big/massive fight in the community and it totally ruined my life. She knows about it and dosnt seem to like the gays over it. Some of that fight now after 11 years is resolved its just been really hard on everyone in the family. So I get ya - even after coming out there is still a lot of things which dont really get said.

If I was happier - maybe in a relationship im sure things would be different but its hard the way things are at the moment.

Reply
 
# 11 : Tuesday 30-7-2019 @ 12:28
 
 
Someone said :
Hi Sortedguy,

I still have problems with family and the LGBT issues. They dont accept it and Mum and I just cant talk about it. There is a major like dark space which is heavy over the whole thing. I know thats a weird way to explain it but its basically whats its like.

Years ago I got involved in a big/massive fight in the community and it totally ruined my life. She knows about it and dosnt seem to like the gays over it. Some of that fight now after 11 years is resolved its just been really hard on everyone in the family. So I get ya - even after coming out there is still a lot of things which dont really get said.

If I was happier - maybe in a relationship im sure things would be different but its hard the way things are at the moment.

@ Dark Prince...a fight in the community...what that a fight within the LGBT community or your local community? You don’t make this clear. Also, you use the term “the gays”...personally I dislike this term as it projects an image of the LGBT community as “the other”, something to be avoided and even feared.

Personally, I think that life is short, we only get the one and if family are not accepting or even tolerant of your sexuality, if all avenues to bring them on board have been exhausted, it’s best to move on with your life and if needs be, to cut then out, painful as that may be.
Reply
 
Prev 1Next