I know this site sometimes gets a lot of people slagging others off when they are actually looking for genuine advice and perhaps this post will be no different but I hope there are a few people out there that can give their point of view.
I am in a long distance relationship for just over one year. I live in Kildare and he lives in Cork. We meet every few weeks and that part of the relationship is not a big issue. The issue is that when we meet, he never wants to have sex. You would think, if you are in love and attracted to someone, you would jump on them the moment you see them after being apart for weeks but sadly my boyfriend is not like that it seems.
I have brought this up with him many times and he is very adamant that he loves me, he does not just want to be friends and he wants to be with me long term. He has said he is not seeing other people but I know he does chat to guys on Grindr and other apps. He says this is just chatting and he has never met anyone. He likes to hold hands, kiss and hug but anything that is more sexual, he pushes me away. He is in his mid 30s and has said he is not a virgin and has been in normal sexual relationships with gay partners in the past, by that I mean he is not new to the gay scene or to having a male partner.
I should say that he is a non national and not from the EU so he has to seek permission to say and work here. This is something I am not blind to and the question of if he is just using me to stay in Ireland has come into my mind many times and I have discussed this with him. I have even said we could be just good friends, in contact all the time but just not have the pressure of a relationship but each time he refuses to accept this and says he loves me and wants to be with me. Yet each time we get to be alone together and I try to have sex or any sexual contact he makes up a reason why we cant. He is not feeling well, he is stressed, his shoulder is hurting him, he is worried about his job, he is tired. I accepted these at the start as I like him and didnt want to put any pressure on him but its over a year now and we have only had sex about 3 times.
Sex of course is not everything in a relationship but it is important and I am now starting to feel uncomfortable around him, in bed etc. It would be easy if I did not care for him but when you are dating someone over a year, its not that easy to just say goodbye, even more so when everything else is ok. Can anyone give some genuine advice???