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Friend Threatened By Another Gay
 
# 1 : Thursday 23-12-2004 @ 18:37
 
 
A friend of mine who is 18 y/o has met a guy over the Internet, they agreed to meet in a pub and have a coffee together, the other guy was 26.

When they met in the Pub, the other guy arrived and actually was a 60 year old man and threatened my friend (who is in the closet, his parents are VERY VERY conservative members of the Popular Party and Opus Dei, if they find out he's gay I don't wanna think what would they do).

The man said to him that if he didn't go home with him and have sex together, he would tell everyone in the pub and the street if he ever sees him that he was gay and they met over the Internet.

My friend said that he agreed to have sex with him, but when they were on the street he went to the park and the man followed him, he didn't want to go home because he knew that the old man was following him, and didn't have the guts to call the police because they would have taken him home and his parents would find out everything, anyway this is a quite small town, everybody knows everybody and if he tells anything to the police, his parents, being in the Opus Dei, no doubt will find out eventually.

Finally he was able to get a taxi and get rid of the man, but now he is afraid of bumping into the man again on the street because they live in the same area.

I think its really embarrassing

I really don't know what can he do or what can I do to help him, besides being with him.

What would you do?
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# 2 : Thursday 23-12-2004 @ 18:55
 
 
He should email the sicko and tell him he's going to tell the police everything if he ever comes near him again.
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# 3 : Thursday 23-12-2004 @ 19:25
 
 
Just-a-lad...

Remind your friend that he wasnt the only one that arranged to meet up... this 60 year old did also!

and im sure that him being only 18 that the auld guy wouldnt be so content with his side of the story...

Fear tactics are sadly often used but when your aware of them there not such a big thing at all

*sends a hug*
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# 4 : Thursday 23-12-2004 @ 20:07
 
 
OMG - i would love to catch that old guy by the b*lls and squeeze until they were mush.......my first advice to your friend would be to try ringing the police conidentially to see what they can do and whether they could be discreet! I also understand the fact that they young guy is so afraid of the old guy carrying out his threat - so perhaps do as was mentioned above and just send a mail threatening to call police! Otherwise just comfort him - and reassure him that such a guy is not representative of gay men! And I guess it just exposes the major problem with meeting people over the internet! Still sickens me!
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# 5 : Thursday 23-12-2004 @ 20:12
 
 
That's really bad - I just hope this appalling person doesn't succeed in exploiting someone younger and even more vulnerable.
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# 6 : Thursday 23-12-2004 @ 20:12
 
 
Hmmmm.. Not much detail on the old guy in this story. Is he single or married? Does he have a family? Is he out? If it is such a small community then it wouldn’t be hard to find out surely.
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# 7 : Thursday 23-12-2004 @ 20:30
 
 
I find this story incredible. If true, believe me, the "old" guy won't do anything. While it's understandable that at 18, your friend should be worried, tell him to forget the whole story and next time, cruise real people or the telephone.
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# 8 : Thursday 23-12-2004 @ 21:47
 
 
what an appaling shit of a man,surely sexual blackmail of this nature is a criminal offence,could a gay liasion officer from another area advise,that bollox should be stopped immediately,i'm not violent but i'm tempted to meet him and give him some advice.
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# 9 : Thursday 23-12-2004 @ 22:11
 
 
Thanks for your advice guys. We don't know if this man is married or not (I would think that he's married with children, since most old men in the chat they met are). Of course this man is not representative of older gay men, if my friend were a girl this would have happenned with a straight man.

What i hate the most of this situation, is that this man is gay and knows how hard it can be sometimes to be gay, specially when you are young and you aren't out, and this bas***d makes use of this hard situation for his own profit. ...When in theory another gay should be comprehensive with him. It's just so cruel...

I will tell him to mail this man saying that he's letting know the police.

My friend is afraid of finding him on the street because he said he lived in his same area, but maybe it's just another lie and lives 50 kilometers away, who knows!!

I know that this is a Hollywood-type story and might sound hard to believe, but these things actually happen, so guys be careful when you meet someone over the net. If you can, talk on the phone to that person or meet thru the webcam before you do "in real life". It can be so dangerous. (I've heard so many other stories with tragic endings...)

By the way I appreciate having a site like Gaire where you can discuss these issues, it's a pity we don't have such a great site like this in our country. Thanks Thomas
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# 10 : Friday 24-12-2004 @ 00:53
 
 

Remind your friend that whatever happens with his parents finding out about him, that what they will do to a much older gay man sexually harassing and blackmailing their son will be a great deal worse...

There's no way in hell that he's going to out your friend, and if he does, he could face criminal charges of harassment.

fetch
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# 11 : Friday 24-12-2004 @ 10:20
 
 
This guy was only using the threats to try and get laid, he isn't serious... All I can say is thank god that your friend didn't fall for that shite...

If a 60year old was going around saying that he knew an 18year old kid was gay, he wouldn't last very long (I normally don't condone violence, but in some cases it isn't the worst solution)
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# 12 : Friday 24-12-2004 @ 11:06
 
 
I think a few well chosen words could make the old guy very afraid indeed. Begin by explaining that several ex boyfriends in the army were extremely annoyed when they heard the story and WLTM the old codger to hear an explanation and to assess his apology.

This old boll*x may have done this before, and may be planning for the next victim. Your friend should be confident when going to the police that he did nothing wrong, and that he was threatened with sexual assault.

I would be very very surprised if this were an isolated incident. I would nearly go so far to say that it is morally imperative for the protection of future victims, that some formal complaint be made.
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# 13 : Friday 24-12-2004 @ 14:29
 
 
Sorry to hear bout your friend Just-a-Lad.
It's likely that the old guy WILL not out him as he has more to lose than your mate.
He seem to be a preditor who preys on young lads in much the same way that paedophiles do on the internet. And when charm dosn't work resort to threats and fear tactics.

Could either you or your friend ring garda/police HQ anonymously and provide them with some details? That way your friend need not be identified but the police will be alerted to this mans actions and something could be done to stop this happening again.

Keep reminding your friend that HE has done nothing wrong and that if he does meet this guy again to stay strong and face him down. Best of luck to you both

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# 14 : Friday 24-12-2004 @ 17:21
 
 
He has emailed the man today, we don't expect a reply anyway. After all, someone who is ashamed of his own age is a coward.

But there are a lot of young (13,14,15, 16... year old) guys /girls in the chat they met and I'm afraid that this man (or others), have done this before or will do it again.

Using fear and threat with young defenseless people is a """good""" tactic (I mean, it can work), if they are doing it, is because they have succeed before.

Sending an anonymous email to the police can be another option, I think that there is a pedophile department who can handle this kind of situations discretely.
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# 15 : Friday 24-12-2004 @ 17:27
 
 
Have you posted a warning to other users in the chat-room?
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