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The Long Process Of Coming Out
# 31 : Wednesday 29-12-2004 @ 19:50
Sheebeen - try to 'float' through these times. There are some very tough things for your parents and sister to deal with. Be patient with them. You are still loved and special. Strength.
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# 32 : Wednesday 29-12-2004 @ 19:51
Well done Sheeben
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# 33 : Thursday 30-12-2004 @ 00:15
Well done Sheebeen, I'm sure, sister aside, that it'll all work out for the best!

For my own part, I suspect that I may have been rumbled. This time there was no 'have you not found a nice girl' comments - the folk seemed to be actually avoiding the topic more than anything else.

I think, as someone else said, I am getting to the stage where I'm fed up hiding, but I'm not sure what the value of coming out to my family would be.

All in good time I suppose...

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# 34 : Thursday 30-12-2004 @ 00:28
Sheeben, Just want to wish you all the best!!

That fact that you told your family you are gay is out there and it is now their problem. They'll come around you'll see

At the end of the day blood is thicker than water.

Your a courageous woman and well done.

for you:
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# 35 : Thursday 30-12-2004 @ 00:33
Go at your own speed Thoughtful. At least your parents aren't trying to fix you up with a girl. My granny used to always do that. I never told her I was gay. When i was about 18 she'd always try to fix me up with gorgeous girls but as the years went by she got more desperate. Her requirements in a woman dropped. By the time I was 30 a single girl with a club foot, hump on her back and gunner eyes would have done She always wanted me to be a doctor too. I must have been a terrible disappointment to her
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# 36 : Thursday 30-12-2004 @ 02:23
Well done Sheeben, i am soo proud of you. you sister is just pissed of because you didn't tell her first. she will come round. you have kinda have put it in my mind for me to tell my dad
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# 37 : Thursday 30-12-2004 @ 14:54
So far i'm still at home, riding out the storm so to speak. My mum is asking alot of questions and i'm talking to her alot. My sister's only concern is what others will think of the family, i'm trying not to be annoyed with her but its very hard!

Thanks everyone for your advices and nice comments. After reading threads on otherscoming out to their parents it helpded me to know what to say and not to lose my cool. I hope someone else will read this thread and gain something helpful for them

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# 38 : Thursday 30-12-2004 @ 15:09
Congarts Sheeby!! i'm so proud of you pet

i know its weird at the mo but at least you can leave galway knowing your family know this chapter of your life now and not leave for dublin with regret. and keep in mind its a chapter they may temporarily not comprehend right now but with a bit of reflecting they'll come round and it will all work out the best for their beautiful SHEEBEN!

Love & light for the new year babe!

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# 39 : Thursday 30-12-2004 @ 15:14
Hey Shebeen, well done on taking a really hard step. I hope that didn't sound patronising because it wasn't meant that way.
For a lot of people, hearing that one of their children is gay seems to them the hardest thing they'll ever hear. When I told my mother, she was upset. She later explained to me that her upset stemmed from her fear for me and for how hard she thought that life would be for me because I was different. To quote her "no matter how old you become, you will always be my baby, and I can't help wanting to keep you safe". Her own value system came into play too because she assumed that I would never have kids, and by her thinking of her generation, to have kids is the greatest achievement in life. Once she got over the shock and started to talk to me and ask questions, she opened her mind and eventually accepted my sexuality, a process which took the best part of a year. Now, she loves my girlfriend and includes her as part of the family.

So give it time and plenty of talk. Let her come to you with questions whenever she is ready to ask them. Same with your sis. That's the way I handled it and it worked for me.

Good luck.
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# 40 : Thursday 30-12-2004 @ 15:43
You have opened up a world to your mother she probably has only ever seen on TV or in the newspapers so you’re experiencing the Irish Mother’s equivalent of the Spanish inquisition. She just wants to know that you will be ok and that you will be happy. It may be pulling on the emotions but remember that it is a once in a life time experience and that in six months time, she will be slapping down anyone who says a bad word against you.
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# 41 : Friday 31-12-2004 @ 15:38
congrats curly!!! Im proud of you and D is too!! that took guts what you did and you can start living your life for you and for no one else now!! I'll be getting advice off you sometime in the future im sure!! Have a great new years-2005 will definately be a year of new beginnings for you!! You're an inspiration to many hun, fair play
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# 42 : Friday 31-12-2004 @ 15:59
Well done Sheeben - like someone said Christmas is one hell of a time to come out to parents. Its lucky your poor mother didn't have a stroke

Fair play to you though and I'm sure it will work out - your sister just sounds a bit immature - remember its a bit of a shock to her aswell.
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# 43 : Saturday 1-1-2005 @ 23:40
Well done Sheebeen

The thing to remember is that you have had 21 years to adjust to the fact that you are gay, your mother has just had a few days
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# 44 : Sunday 2-1-2005 @ 00:41
Hi Sheeben,

Been away in the not so sunny South East since the 27th so only catching up on your news now.
Well Done.
I hope that things, sister included, have settled down nicely at this stage and that you can now move on with a little less pressure in your life. You were very good to stay around home and deal with the questions etc - faced with that situation I'd have headed for Dublin pronto.

Well done again and best wishes for 2005

Best wishes,too, to the others here who feel they'll follow your example soon - and even more so to those who feel they aren't ready to yet.
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# 45 : Sunday 2-1-2005 @ 01:06
Sheebeen, Well done!
It really was best to tell your family be it Christmas or whatever. There is never a good time just a right time.

Your mothers reaction was identical to what happened in my own situation.
She screamed and cried and thought I'd chosen to be gay. She asked me to change because it was a terrible life being a "lesbean". She tried to set me up with every farmer with a jeep and 200 acres!

My mum has led the best part of a sheltered life. She'd only ever seen a lesbian in the distance and even that was only a rumour. One of the first questions she asked me was "who else had i told"
And she flipped when she realised most of my cousins knew already. Anyway, enough about that!
I stayed for a few days and although she hardly asked any questions about my lifestyle she accepted it as my choice, my life. She just needed to know I was safe and not gonna be in any danger.

Now, 6 years later its hardly mentioned. My missus sat at the Christmas table this year, treated like one of the family. Time is a great thing really.

Your mum sounds like a great strong woman! Keep talking and I'm SURE with time everything will be fine.

By the way, I know it may be hard but the sooner you get over the awkward atmosphere the sooner she will.
I cuddled my mum at every available opportunity afterwards! In her eyes your still her baby!

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