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For DILBERT Fans...
 
# 1 : Wednesday 26-10-2005 @ 09:00
 
 
TRUE TALES OF INDUHVIDUALS

Here are some more true tales of Induhviduals, as reported by vigilant DNRC operatives in the field.

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Our college just completed a new three-story building. While walking down a hall on the 2nd floor, I overheard two students say, “I really like the skylights on the 3rd floor.�? “Me too,�? remarked the second student. “I don’ t know why they didn’t just put some on the 2nd floor too.�?

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My fiddle teacher was teaching a large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made in the early 1800s." Someone in the audience raised their hand and asked, "So you got it used?"

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A few years back, I was in high school and we were celebrating Holy Week (the week before Easter) and we were watching a presentation on the last few days of Jesus. The teacher used a clip from the movie "Jesus of Nazareth" to make his point. As we were watching Jesus carry his cross, a girl in my class asked, "Is this live footage?�?

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I work as a computer technician for a large retail chain, servicing customer ’s computers. One day I answer the phone, and the Induhvidual asks, “Do you guys sell Ethernet cables?�? I said that we do, and he asks, “How much is it?�? I asked, “How long do you want it?�? He responded, “Um, a while I guess. I want to buy it.�? I said, “No, I mean how long as in the length of the cable.�? This elicited total silence on his end, so I informed him that we sell a 7-foot cable for $24.99. He asked, “When do I have to return it?�? I told him to keep it as long as he likes.

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My Kentuckian sister-in-law's young daughter recently married a Mexican immigrant. They promptly had their first child. Sometime after the birth, a doctor walked into the recovering mom's hospital room and mentioned that the baby's white blood cell count was high. My sister-in-law asked, "Does that mean she will be more white than Mexican?" This is a true story.

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While waiting in line at the Delta Gate to get my seat assignment, I overheard an elderly lady in front of me trying to get a seat assignment. When the clerk asked if she wanted a window or aisle seat the old lady exclaimed "OH! Please don't put me by the window! I just had my hair done!"

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While visiting relatives in Oregon I commented to my cousin how much later sunset was compared to my home in California. She said she was surprised, since we both lived the same distance from the ocean. I asked her what the distance from the ocean had to do with it. She said it was because that's where the sun sets.

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My teacher was having a discussion with our class about what we did for Christmas. One guy said he got himself a deer when he went hunting. My teacher, the clever punster, said that he got a "dear" too, only this was the kind with TWO legs. The class laughed. Then one moron in back raised her hand and asked, "Did you shoot it anyway?"

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A newly hired manager confessed that he was considering getting a second job in order to pay off his wife's huge cell phone bill. When asked why she went so far over her monthly time allocation, his response was that when she bought her cell phone, they told her that weekends and evening time was free. Since she works an odd schedule -- Sunday through Thursday -- she assumed that Fridays counted as her “weekend day.�? So she used the phone the entire time as she drove to and from Las Vegas. (4 hours, each direction, at 45 cents per minute).

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My husband is a police officer and was training some of his guys at the shooting range. They were hanging the paper targets when one guy said, "Hey, why don't we hang 3 at a time and just tear the top one off each time, that way we don't have to keep hanging them."

Ask Dogbert ============

Dogbert answers tough questions with tough love.

Dear Dogbert,

Every time I get a girlfriend she dumps me and dates one of my friends. Should I blame her, or my friends, or myself?

Sam

Dear Slime,

I recommend getting some friends who are even bigger losers than you. In your case, it means finding friends who routinely lose their girlfriends to telemarketers.

Sincerely,

Dogbert

==

Dear Dogbert

I tend to spit at random times while talking. Because of this I have very few friends what should I do?

Lydia

Dear Spitia,

Try talking to people who are on fire. They probably won’t notice the spitting so much, and if they do, they might appreciate it.

Sincerely

Dogbert

==

Dear Dogbert

I am going to write a song about not writing a song. Can you give me a couple of ideas on what to write?

Jonathan

Dear Telethon,

You should write about what you know. That means your song will be an instrumental, assuming you know someone who can do that part for you.

Sincerely,

Dogbert

==

Dear Dogbert,

Do you just randomly create questions and names so you can make jokes that you wouldn't normally have the opportunity to use?

Zach

Dear Placque,

Do I come to your workplace and accuse you of sweeping up French fries that aren’t really there?

Sincerely,

Dogbert

==

Dear Dogbert,

I think Scott Adams bares a striking resemblance to actor Ed Harris. How would I go about either killing one of them or fusing them together so that only one person in this world would look like that?

Sammy

Dear Spammy,

I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve been asked that question.

Every year Scott Adams and Ed Harris attend a convention of People With Skull-looking Heads. This year, Jeff Garcia will be the keynote speaker. Maybe you could kill a few of them, just to thin the herd, but you’d never get them all. I recommend learning to love that look.

Sincerely,

Dogbert

==

Dear Dogbert,

I need to find a girlfriend, but I am very ugly. How can I find a girl that doesn't care how I look?

Ethan

Dear Heathen,

There are plenty of girls who value character above looks. They are called blind girls. And as Ed Harris well knows, it also helps to be rich.

Sincerely,

Dogbert

==

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# 2 : Thursday 10-4-2008 @ 14:38
 
 
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# 3 : Friday 11-4-2008 @ 13:13
 
 
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# 4 : Saturday 19-4-2008 @ 11:47
 
 
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# 5 : Saturday 19-4-2008 @ 13:28
 
 
Well, I heard a few daft ones in my time.

client called the manufacturer of a certain computer asking why the coffee holder was broken? Daft. He'd opened the cd drive.

Another asked what was the any key. true stories.
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# 6 : Sunday 27-4-2008 @ 10:11
 
 
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# 7 : Monday 28-4-2008 @ 10:58
 
 
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# 8 : Wednesday 7-5-2008 @ 10:02
 
 
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# 9 : Thursday 8-5-2008 @ 10:04
 
 
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# 10 : Thursday 8-5-2008 @ 10:06
 
 
not many Dilbert fans huh?
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# 11 : Thursday 8-5-2008 @ 10:07
 
 
1 at last count
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# 12 : Thursday 8-5-2008 @ 10:16
 
 
I love Dilbert
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# 13 : Thursday 8-5-2008 @ 10:16
 
 
2 then. Dilbert's fanbase just doubled!
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# 14 : Thursday 8-5-2008 @ 10:19
 
 
that's a one hundred percent increase in no amount of time...
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# 15 : Thursday 8-5-2008 @ 10:20
 
 
Someone said :
that's a one hundred percent increase in no amount of time...

well if you consider 4 years "no amount of time"?
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