I'm very weird and somewhat dangerous.
Seriously now, I'm alright. Reasonably smart, pleasant to be with, a bit quiet at times, friendly warm and funny.
I love music, especially Metal, films, TV, comics and "proper" art too.
Physically I'm kinda tall, good bone structure and a bit of muscle. Could lose a good few pounds (I'm trying to!) have short, hair, a handsome face with a few piercings.
It all started when our predictably heroic protagonist, Frodo, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling very puzzled, Frodo deflowered a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, he realized that his beloved Ring was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Bum Boy Wonder. Frodo had known Bum Boy Wonder for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Bum Boy Wonder was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... annoying. Frodo called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Bum Boy Wonder picked up to a very ecstatic Frodo. Bum Boy Wonder calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys shudder before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually scandalously shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Frodo. Why was Bum Boy Wonder trying to distract Frodo? Because he had snuck out from Frodo's with the Ring only eleven days prior. It was a enticing little Ring ... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Frodo got back to the subject at hand: his Ring . Bum Boy Wonder turned red. Relunctantly, Bum Boy Wonder invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Ring . Frodo grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Bum Boy Wonder realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Ring and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Frodo took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, he had take at least nine minutes before Frodo would get there. But if he took the Sleipnir? Then Bum Boy Wonder would be ridiculously screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Bum Boy Wonder was interrupted by four stupid Wuzzles that were lured by his Ring . Bum Boy Wonder sighed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he recklessly reached for his carrot and fearlessly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Sleipnir rolling up. It was Frodo.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Frodo was out of the Sleipnir and went explosively jaunting toward Bum Boy Wonder's front door. Meanwhile inside, Bum Boy Wonder was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Ring into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Bum Boy Wonder was relieved but at least the Ring was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in, ' Bum Boy Wonder scandalously purred. With a quick push, Frodo opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish noble genius in a gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, ' he lied. 'It's fine, ' Bum Boy Wonder assured him. Frodo took a seat conveniently far from where Bum Boy Wonder had hidden the Ring . Bum Boy Wonder belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Frodo was distracted. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Bum Boy Wonder noticed a dimwitted look on Frodo's face. Frodo slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Bum Boy Wonder felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Frodo asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Ring right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Frodo's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Frodo nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Bum Boy Wonder could react, Frodo aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Ring was plainly in view.
Frodo stared at Bum Boy Wonder for what what must've been five millseconds. A few unfulfilled decades later, Bum Boy Wonder groped exotically in Frodo's direction, clearly desperate. Frodo grabbed the Ring and bolted for the door. It was locked. Bum Boy Wonder let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Frodo, ' he rebuked. Bum Boy Wonder always had been a little abrasive, so Frodo knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Bum Boy Wonder did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he gripped his Ring tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Bum Boy Wonder looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Frodo. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Frodo. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Bum Boy Wonder walked over to the window and looked down. Frodo was gone.
Just yonder, Frodo was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Bum Boy Wonder's place. Frodo had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Wuzzles suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Ring . One by one they latched on to Frodo. Already weakened from his injury, Frodo yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Wuzzles running off with his Ring .
About three hours later, Frodo awoke, his prostate throbbing. It was dark and Frodo did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious magical cornfield, Frodo was scarcely lost. Absolutely thrilled, he remembered that his Ring was taken by the Wuzzles. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enormous Wuzzle emerged from the haunted thicket. It was the alpha Wuzzle. Frodo opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Wuzzle sunk its teeth into Frodo's fingernail. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Frodo's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than ten miles away, Bum Boy Wonder was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Ring . 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dull pencil. With a skillful thrust, he buried it deeply into his love handle. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Frodo... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Ring that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Wuzzles, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end